Awe. Retirement. Never felt so lonely.I had this dream the other night, about my grandfather in Miami. I haven't seen him in close to 14 years. It's not like that whole period has been silent, I do have some contact with him. But in all honesty, I really don't know the man. Sometimes I feel like he's just a character in my crazy drama filled life. But anyway...I dreamed that he had finally come back home, and he was staying with us at the house. Random things happened, and I remember dreaming that we were at the airport, and he was getting ready to leave. I was telling his this story, and he just got up and left. I remember following him, and trying to get him to listen, the more he walked the more frustrated I became. I became frantic, when I realized he had left us. In all honesty, I've never been so upset about a dream. Needless to say, Pop says he's gonna visit us around the first of the year. I'll believe it, when I pick his ass up at the airport.
This is where life gets complicated. Life just seems all to sad right now. I'm not a big fan of the holidays, it always reminds me of the people that aren't around to celebrate with you. It's a crazy world. I've had my fair share of Christmas heartbreak. I remember in the 7th grade, my mom packed us kids up really early, and put us in the van. Trying to escape my father. Not that he was scary or abusive. She couldn't look him in the face to tell him she was leaving him. We weren't so lucky. I remember being so mad, that he had gotten up, and packed his things to go with us. I wanted to leave. Now I want nothing more than to spend Christmas with him. I've been having these weird thoughts. It's complicated, but I feel like he's slipping away. So many people are leaving me. I just want to get my last chance at goodbyes. That's all. I call him, I mention things. He's slowly forgetting. I'm scared, that I've waited too long to stop being such a baby, and just let him know how I feel. I'm too damn stubborn, and it's really going to be the end of me. So many people waste their lives away being stubborn, I'm one of them. I just feel sad. Hopefully this will pass.
