Family Matters...

Well, if you're a whore...

Have you ever been sitting around the dinner table or made your way to the couch after dinner, and listened to the older members of your family talk about the past? And not just get into that bullshit about how life was so much better back in the day. Back when you didn't have to lock your doors because you were just too stupid to realize that the world was harsh and cruel. I'm talking about gossip. Just flat out, who was sleeping with who, gossip. People I've heard about, but never realized just how scandalous they really were. Let's see...I think I'm better off just making a list.

• Other Papa was indeed a bootlegger in the depression.
• My great great uncle Emory, left his wife for another woman. A woman he worked with, a woman Emory's wife Frances knew and trusted as a friend. I'm not sure what Birdie was thinking. Her previous husband was loaded. When Emory and Birdie finally married, Birdie's Daddy, made sure that after Birdie's death all her assets went back to the family and not Emory. And this was all during the 30's, when you didn't divorce. Aunt Frances never spoke another word to Uncle Emory.
  
• My great great Uncle Buck lives in California. There's a reason I've seen him all of like twice. He's been married on numerous occasions, but his wife before this last marriage, has a warrant out for his arrest. So when he would come to town, he'd get arrested every time. He decided to flee Texas (smart man) to get away from this crazy broad. Uncle Buck, must have been a stud, because once while breaking up with a girlfriend on her front porch, she ran in so distraught, that she drank some sort of poison. Before Buck could get her to the hospital she died.
• My great-grandpa Jones' sister Ruby went crazy and lived the rest of her life in some sort of mental facility.
  
• My grandma's cousin was married once before. (Did not know this.) And has two daughter's living in California somewhere. No one knows where they are, or if they are even alive. His wife now, wouldn't allow him to contact them, and apparently it's a conversation we don't have.
• Above's wife was once married to a pilot, a rich pilot. They lived in Manhattan. She vacationed to California and met grandma's cousin. Within a week, she had dumped her fiance, and never returned to NYC. Not even to get her belongings. Her fiance died months later in some famous plane crash. They eventually married, never telling their only son he had two sisters. He later found out through his uncle. Oh were they pissed.
  
• I have a great great uncle named Tater Chip.
• Apparently several uncles and cousins of mine liked the women. Several of them have illegitimate children, some paying child support on the sly, and others flat out refusing. Some kids popped up years later. Surprise you're my daddy style.

And those are only a few that I even remember. I was floored. It's always neat to be able to place stories with these people you've seen countless pictures of. It just goes to show, that life's always been crazy. The past isn't as goody two shoes as it's made out to be. I kind of like my crazy and scandalous background. Now I totally understand my craziness. When all else fails, blame the family.

I so need to write a book. Or make my own soap. Hell, I have the material...