Insomnia just hearts me.

I can't sleep. I haven't really even attempted to shut these eyes. But I know that it won't happen. I can never get to sleep at a decent hour. Any time before 1 am seems to be out of the question. I don't mind sitting up at nights writing. But sometimes that can get a little old. Well not really, but there are other things I would love to be doing, like say, sleeping.

Hold on! Shit, someone just tapped on my window!!!!

Okay, I just had a mini heart attack, that was not just anyone tapping on my window. That was Katie Baby. She wasn't around for feeding time, and well it's almost 3 am. And she's hungry damnit! Funny how she knows exactly where my room is, and knows just how to scare the shit out of me. Cats, and their appetites. I left her food out, something must have gotten a hold of it. I really need to make sure the neighbor stops getting into the food bowl. Such a pest.

I found an old ass photo of me at a party on Halloween, I'm pretty sure it was in 2002. That was a crazy party. That's about all I remember about it. It was at the infamous island in Bluff City or maybe it's Blountville, Tennessee. And yes it's a true island. Such a cool place to get down and party. I haven't been there in ages. It will be probably 2 years this summer. Gosh that pic was taken right after my 18th birthday and before Rachel was even pregnant. So much time has gone by, and things have changed so much. I've lost contact with Rachel. And Teneka lives in Ohio. And I have no idea what's happened with Doug or his brother James. Sad, how sometimes we don't keep up with the people we care about like we'd like too. Time just keeps moving, and we move right along with it, sometimes over looking what really matters the most. I'm not proud of everything I've done or said, but I'm glad I'm still standing here today, talking just as much bullshit. Well I don't always talk bullshit. Or maybe I do. Oh who knows. Some things never change.

A part of me, misses nights like those on the island. Another part of me thanks God that phase in my life is over. I am glad that I don't live in Bristol anymore. Getting out, was about the best choice I ever made, even though it killed me at the time. I miss my friends. I just don't want to be pulled back to such a dead end town. I feel for a lot of people that still live there. Sometimes I hear the gossip that goes around, and you hear about someone getting married or someone's had another baby. Bristol does that for a lot of people. People have this rush to get married and settle down. Are you serious? Most of these people are younger than I am. Starting a family is not even something I think about, ever. And yet some people are starting on baby number 2. I don't even consider myself to be the biggest adult, I definitely don't need a child at the moment. I have other things to worry about, like myself. Man that sounded just a bit self centered.

Anyway, I think I might try this thing they call sleep.

(Teneka I hope you don't me posting your pic!!! From right to left. Rachel, Me, Doug, Teneka, and James. I guess you can't see the coffin behind us...)

Oh, do I get a black rose?

LMAO. LMAO. LMAO. Oh let me get this out of me...LMAO.

It's officially happened. I feel so special. I was called out on a soap opera forum. My life is complete. I'm not sure what I'll do with the rest of my boring life. Maybe I should make my pilgrimage to Miami, and start my retirement say 44 years early. Oh wouldn't that be sweet, drinking margarita's by the shore while getting this massive tan. I could always get botox later. I could always use the excuse, "Well everyone else is doing it." Or I could lie about my age, if it came down to it.

Well I'm bored, and well this just seemed like the fun thing to do. I apologize in advance for acting like a child.

Awareness.

Today started off kind of bad. Even though I got to sleep in, getting out of bed was quite the chore. Just when I don't think anything can get any worse, I get the phone call that totally changes my mood. Let's just say that it made me do a happy dance with only 4 hours of sleep. I'm not going to tell you what it is either, until well I feel the need to tell you all. So please don't ask.

Something else that has dampened my moods as of late is, I found out that a cousin of my grandmother's has cancer. Lung cancer to be exact. This started out last summer when she found a lump on her breast and they removed it. Did some radiation treatment and things seemed to be okay. Recently she had some tests done, and they did a chest x-ray only to find a mass on her lung. This past week they did surgery and they had to remove a portion of her lung, and they aren't sure if they will be able to under go chemotherapy, it all depends on what the future tests show. She's not in the greatest shape, and well it's just sad that someone like Bessie Lee has to suffer through all of this. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

I love all this sleeping in I'm getting in...how did I ever get so lucky?

*if you would, please click on the link that says breast cancer awareness to your right. Just two simple clicks, will help fund mamograms to needing women.*

The Keys to Your Heart.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth. In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is traditional. Without saying anything, both of you communicate with your hearts. Your risk of cheating is high. You can't resist desire and lust. You think of marriage pessimistically. You don't think happy marriages exist anymore. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Office Sex.

I was talking with a friend earlier this morning and was reminded of an affair that I just happened to get right smack dab in the middle of. Even though I knew both parties of this couple, and were very good friends. It's not something you want to personally see or in my case hear. And what made this even worse, is that we all three worked together. I'm a big supporter of casual sex breaks, what better way to relieve office tension than to have a nice quickie before returning to work? But my God leave me out of this. What you do behind office doors is YOUR business. And so what if you are fucking a co-worker. If it came down to it, I might do the same. Sometimes you just need a little pleasure to vamp up your day. And honestly I couldn't think of a better way.

But to my story...

To make this as short as possible, I called into the office and idiotically pressed speaker phone. Well let's just say I didn't get a, "How can I help you?" I can tell you that there was a lot of thrusting going on, and well lots of noise. All I could do was laugh. Jealous, that I wasn't the one getting paid to fuck my co-worker. I'm so glad that we were able to laugh this off, but our relationship was never the same. Considering it was wrong according to some piece of shit handbook. I was one of the very few that knew about this relationship. And guess who they came to when they were having problems? ME. And well I'm no Dr. Phil. Which is probably a good thing. That in itself was frustrating. Dealing with my own problems, and well helping them fix theirs. Imagine the tensions at work when they broke up...talk about wanting to be forewarned. When they say love is a battlefield...they ain't lying. I always tried to stay out of these fickle fights. I don't know how many smoke breaks I took, and had to listen to the bitching on both sides. I'd need another cig just listening to all that shit. I'd have to come to work forearmed, praying that they weren't fighting and were on fucking terms. They were always at their best when they were getting laid.

Now I've gone and told you something that you probably didn't want to hear. But don't you just love office gossip? Well I guess it's not really gossip when you know what's really going on. I loved listening to people talk about their suspicions, it's always fun to hear what people really think is going on. I loved how people were like, "oh Zanne, you are so naive. Of course something is going on." Oh if they only knew what I knew then.

Moral of the story. Who cares if you fuck your fellow co-worker? Just don't get caught. Isn't the whole excitement factor not getting caught?

You don't know me. Really.

My shoulder hurts. I thought I'd throw that out there so you could feel sorry for me, and send your get well vibes and kisses my way. Cause well I am so being a baby about it, and I'm sure everyone around me is wanting me to stop whining. Yep, I'm pretty sure about that.

Did it really have to rain today and be cold? I really don't think it can choose to be both. How about one or the other? Really it makes more since. Because I hate having to bundle up and have to carry an umbrella around where ever I go. It's just inconvenient, if you ask me. But who's asking me. That God of ours is such a trickster. Always pulling out the moves to make things complicated.

O.M.G. American Idol, I hold my head low. I'm addicted. Don't tell anyone this, but I actually voted for someone for the first time since the show started. I can't believe this, hell must be freezing over, and I blame my mother. She's the one that moved down here and got me to watch it last season. And now I get upset if I miss any of it. I'm really such a disappointment. And is it bad, when I get a kick out of Simon slammin' some of these people? I think it's hilarious. And half the time I agree with what he has to say. I spent several minutes texting in my favorites, and well they happened to the last performers for each night. I'm so diggin' Taylor. I'm dying for him to sing "Get Rhythm" by Johnny Cash. He would blow the roof off the place. I think he could so do the song justice. I can't remember the chick's name that I liked. Downside, I think she looks like Katie Holmes. She should so work that out with her surgeon when she becomes famous. I really would like one of those chicks to pull off some Mazzy Star...they'd probably just butcher her songs, so it's not really worth it. Is it really a coincidence that Simon and I like the same people? I think not. I rock just as hard as he does, if not harder. Simon and Zanne? Supercouple? I think we have a chance. Look and Britney and Kevin...or not. (They should really go on a hunting trip with Dick Cheney...but you didn't hear that from me...)

But really.

Chuck Norris 2.0

1.Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

2. Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

3. Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

4. According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

5. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

6. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

7. What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

8. A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

9. Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.

10. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

11. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

12. Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

13. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

14. Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

15. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

16. When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

17. A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

18. Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

19. Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

20. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

21. Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

22. While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

23. Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

24. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

25. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

26. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

27. In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

28. If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

29. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

30. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

31. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

32. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

33. Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.

34. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

35. A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.

36. Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.

37. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

38. Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.

39. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

40. Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.

41. As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

42. When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.

43. If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

44. On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

45. When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."

46. Chuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.

47. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

48. Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.

49. Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

50. There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.

Cold and Broken Hallelujah.

Wow, that really stung.

Anyway, the way I've been feeling, I could swear I was pregnant. But I think I'm intolerant of something I eat. Sometimes I feel dizzy, and other days I have a headache, and others I'm just fine, and then there are days like today where I feel like I'm walking and talking, but I'm not there. I guess there is always a chance that I'm allergic to something I'm eating. Or maybe I'm just going crazy. I think that would be the funner option. Anyone ever known a crazy girl? (You all raise your hand...cause that would be me.) Maybe I'll make out like Lois Banks and be secluded in my own padded room. But the downside, we all know how that ends...I'd rather not be left hanging there.

So on the upside of this all, I'm trying to pull of a trip to LA for the last week in April. I have to hit up those damn emmy's! Oh that's not the real reason I'm going. And it's not to crash Deidre Hall's event that I know I've been banned from. I think I have better ways to spend my money. I could so go crazy and buy sex toys, cause I know I'll get more pleasure out of those, even when the batteries die on me. Sex toys or DH's event? I'd take the sex toys anyday. But on the other hand, I have another event I might just attend. Cross your fingers and hope it works out, cause I so would love to start my summer off with a trip to LA. This is totally short notice, but I think I can make it work.

Damn it's cold. Just thought I'd throw that out there, and complain some more. As if life can get any worse, it has to be cold outside. I long for the days of sunshine and warmth, and not just from the sun. Seems as though the weather isn't the only cold thing[s] in my life. Oh well, life goes on, and things melt...and away they go.

Well I'm out...I have some mixed drinks to make...I feel like getting drunk for like no reason. I tip my glass, and give you the finger. Later bitches.

Sunday Ramblings.

I fucking love Sundays. I love that I don't have to be woken up by some stupid ass alarm, I can just lay in bed for however long I please. I don't have to worry about being anywhere, I can just lie in bed. Days like these I'm so thankful for Sundays. It's so fucking cold outside. Saturday I woke up to a blanket of ice and cold feet. Which just sucks, because well not two days ago it was almost 80 degrees.

I was able to stay in my blanket of warmth today, and get up when I pleased. Which means, I stayed in bet, until the call of nature decided that it was either me or the bladder, and well the bladder won. But I made my way back to bed, and snuggled some more with the dogs, and decided well, maybe I should be productive. So I cooked dinner. (See what Sunday's can do!!!)

This is what happens when I have a lazy day...I have absolutely nothing to talk about. I sit her at the computer, and wonder what my fingers will punch in on the keyboard, and then I sigh, because well nothing comes to me. I've tried watching TV, but I can never find anything on that's good. Anyone have any suggestions on good TV shows? I guess I don't know what to look for anymore, all these reality shows have put a damper on my watching TV. How many times do you have to watch someone eat bugs, before you realize this is crap and not worth watching? How many woman put themselves out there to and make an ass of themselves just so they can find their Mister Right? How disgusting is that? I can be pretty sure that the man of your dreams is not on the bachelor.

Woman continue to amaze me. Years and years of segregation and discrimination, and they go and basically sell themselves to be on a reality tv show. Let's go and show the world what we have, paid for breasts and legs that are permanently parted. We go and show our thanks to women like Alice Paul, by degrading ourselves even further. Way to repay such a lady.

(I just woke up from a nap. Like I needed one. But oh well it's Sunday.)

Well my brother is wanting to show me something on www.stupidvideos.com . Oh well I need a good laugh.

Was I Dick Cheney in a past life?

So is it a bad thing when someone comes up to you, and says very seriously, "Oh you're in a chipper mood today, that's weird." What? Am I really in a constant state of hate? I didn't realize that I was the resident scrooge. I didn't realize that work was supposed to make me all happy and cheerful, oops my bad. I'm sorry that I'm not the nicest of all people when I'm around, maybe it's because you like to talk shit and start more shit, and well I don't feel this big urge to give you a huge ass fake hug. Next time I'll attack you with one, and maybe I'll make you a balloon animal while I'm at it. Any requests? Would a slobbery kiss on the cheek be over doing it? I do smile, you just have to give me a good reason too. Other's are just better at it, and well you just suck I guess.

So I'll admit, I have my good days and my bad days. But doesn't everyone? Work isn't exactly the place where I feel I am the happiest, but really does anyone find their job this place of happiness and peace? There are some people that I like and respect so I'm nice to them, and then their are others I could really care two shits about and don't care how I treat them, because well they do the same to me. Why should I treat them any differently? I pick and choose who I like, so don't get all personal if I don't crack you a smile every five seconds.

Sorry for the tiny rant, but us angry people need to vent. Other than this comment, my day was actually quite good. I got to work, and was like great, this is going to be one shitty day. But surprisingly I was wrong, and things went pretty well. Well except for the bitchy lady who had something to complain about every 5 minutes. And I bet it didn't help that I almost launched a cup of ice on her. This is actually a pretty funny story. I actually tripped and well the cup when flying out of my hand and across the lobby. She just happened to be walking around the corner right about the time this happened with yet another complaint. I felt bad, and her expression was priceless. She brought her hand to her face, and was like "OHHH!" and just stood there. There are some days where you wish that could have hit a customer...oh well I guess I should have better timing and aim. I'll keep practicing.

Well this angry one shall depart...I have things to burn and destroy...toot-a-loo...

*I am Dick Cheney and I approve this message.*

HA HA...I said breast...

There are days when you strip yourself naked, and you see the scars of the past. Some good, some bad, and well some are just painful reminders of why life just doesn't always go your way.

I have this scar across my left foot that reminds me that I should not run around barefoot, but I still do. What an experience. My great-grandparents had just died within a week of each other, and well my best friend at the time, Aspen, and I were running around her house barefoot as usual. It's what all Texas children did, I don't think I ever wore my shoes, unless my mother made me. I'd still sneak them off from time to time. Anyway, long story short, they were remodeling their house, and well I cut my poor little foot straight across the top and had to have 12 staples. What a bonding experience I had with my dad who had to take me to the ER, and hold me down as they numbed my poor foot. I don't think I've ever caused such a ruckus and actually hit a doctor since. But oh well, I'm sure that with time, it could possibly happen again. When we were at the ER they just happened to place me in the same room that they placed my grandmother in just before she had died. Me with my big brown eyes, looks up at my daddy, and asks "Am I gonna die too?" breaking my poor dad's heart I'm sure. So he made the doctor give us a different room. The room that I screamed until I was hoarse, the room where that poor doctor got kicked in the face. Hey, I was little, and well it hurt. I think he deserved it. (off topic I know...but remember that old show Rescue 911? My doctor was on that show the following week. I was so tickled that a "famous" doctor had stapled my foot shut. I so bragged about this for weeks...)

If you pay close attention to my nose, I have a nice little scar where I did have a gash, and an oh so bruised nose. Now that was painful, and I cried like a little girl when that happened. My brother head-butted me after I was being a complete and utter bitch. I deserved it, I know. But OH MY FUCKING GOD did it bleed. I had blood running down my face, and it was swollen. I was for sure that he had broken my nose. So I cried some more. So now I have this nice little scar, that gets hidden my glasses but I think it's cool.

And to my last mentioned scar, which inhabits my breasts. This one will probably be funny as hell to most, which it is, but then I think about it, and its not really funny at all. Basically my job branded me. A flying popcorn kernel made it's way down my shirt, and burned the ever living hell out of my breasts. I still have this ugly scar, that I know I'll have to explain one day...which could get really interesting. "No it's not a third nipple..harder...." Yes I just went there. For I know you all don't have virgin eyes or ears!! You can't convince me otherwise. I've never been in such a hurry to get something off my breasts in all my life. I made a mad dash to the back of the stand, and well thank God no one was back there, because well they would have been flashed. Not like that hasn't happened at work...poor Kevin, and that's the other Kevin...not Becker...There wasn't enough burn spray in the world to save me that day. I made my way to the restroom's. Locked myself in a stall, tore off my shirt and bra, and sprayed that aloe shit all over me, and cried because I knew my poor breasts...yes it got both of them, would never be the same. Blisters and boobies, just don't mix.

I swear showers make me think of crazy shit...

I'm not cynical...I'm really not. (hey! don't roll your eyes at me....)

So it's Valentine's Day. Whoopdifreakindo. (Is that even a word?) I swear it's a just a marketing scheme. Restaurants, Walmart, and Hallmark all get together and see how much shit they can sell. How many people do you hear say "I don't have a date...blah blah blah...I will have a date with someone by February 14th." So stupid. Why go on a date with just anyone? Especially someone you don't really even know. Why go on a date just to say that you have a date for Valentine's Day. Pointless, and shows just how weak some people are. That's just society telling you that you need a man/woman attached to you to be strong. Society should really butt out of things...don't ya think?

For the real couples on Valentine's Day...I hope you had a wonderful time. I think all these last minute dates and thrown together couples make this day so cheesy and over rated...so for the people who are actually in love...more power to ya. This is your day, and I hope you had tons of sex, and ate chocolate until you puked. Oh and don't forget to wear a condom...Why do you think we have so many November babies? I'll give you one guess.

So guess who won't be having a baby come November...ME! And think God! So if any of you do...I better be God Momma Zanne. (How scary did that just sound?)

Meow.

So who guess who was waiting for me beside my car when I got home this afternoon? My little Katie Baby. Well she's not so little anymore. Katie Baby has fattened up just a bit, and I take all the credit. She's such a sweet kitty, I can't not feed the poor thing. How somebody could abandon such a sweet and innocent animal is beyond me. She's a real sweetheart. In fact she's the only cat in the neighborhood that will let me touch and hold her. The little porker won't let me touch her when she eats though. She just looks at me and hisses, like back off it's mine. It's really quite funny to see.

Katie Baby and I started off things on the rocks. There was the incident where she puked on my porch and my mailman almost stepped in it, and the constant hissing. But I think she was just nervous. It's been peaches and cream ever since, and she meets me at the door everyday when I come home. She's even tried to warm up to my grandmother, but that's a lost cause my Nanny hates cats. More like she's scared of cats. She thinks they are going to just attack her for no reason. But cats are about the most laid back animals there are. They don't excited about anything, well there is the food thing and I guess Katie Baby gets excited when I get home, cause well she gets food. So the excitement factor really falls back to the food thing. But who doesn't get excited over good food?

As much as I love Katie, Abby despises her ten times that. I think she sees this cat as a threat, and when she sees her, she just goes bananas. She barks and claws at the window like she's some kind of big shot. When in reality that cat would so kick her ass and hand it to her in her food bowl. Katie just plays along with her charade, because she finds it amusing I'm sure. And well it is amusing to see how jealous Abby gets over a cat that doesn't even live in the house. I could see her being jealous if I brought in the cat, and put her outside. I'm just feeding and petting the poor thing. Everyone needs a little loving sometimes. And if scratching Katie Baby behind the ears makes her happy, I'll do it.

But please don't criticize me for feeding a stray cat. If you came to my door hungry, I'd feed you too. And if you were nice, I might just scratch behind your ears. Cause everyone needs a little love, every now and then. How many times have I heard..."That cat is just playing you..." Well so be it, I like the company of the fur ball. Afterall she's my Katie Baby...

*disclaimer that is not Katie Baby...I just like the picture.*

Sunday morning coming down

Friends are just the best. Friends with birthday's are even better. Friends with birthdays that have parties rock! I had fabulous time last night hanging out with some awesome friends. Meeting new people is always a plus. Before the party had even started, I had received the best card ever, and it wasn't even my birthday. So my hats off to Ann for getting me the Llama card, and making me laugh my ass off. The only thing I regret is not having sex on that exercise ball and giving back the "I am special" trucker hat. Oh well I'm a good llama and I don't steal. And if I drunk called you...I'm sorry and shouldn't be held responsible for what I did or did not say.

Waking up this morning, not so bad. I was fucking cold though, and the floor wasn't as comfortable as it was earlier that morning. Oh well it was all worth it. I remained in my pajamas until about 2 p.m., which I intended to stay in them all day, but I was forced out of my warm little house and taken to see Walk the Line finally. Which is an awesome movie, that will leave you with goosebumps. Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash...soulmates. Enough said. I think it's fair to say that June saved Johnny's life, an ultimate supercouple if you please.

I did get a kick out of the man that was sitting down the row from us...I shall name him Biff. Biff just couldn't hide his dance moves while the music played. I turn to offer my mother some popcorn, and I catch a glimpse of this man, and it was all I could do not to bust out laughing. I so brought this to my brother's attention, and well he thought it was just as funny. I almost got up and asked him for a dance, but Mrs. Biff would have so kicked my ass. And well I really didn't feel like trying to take down an old lady, she probably needs that right hip anyway. She so got lucky.

So Saturday night and today in a nutshell. What a weekend that I would so do over. And even my monthly visit from that bitch Flo didn't even stop me. I'm so proud that I was able to hold in my inner bitch. I'm sorry if I bit off your head...I so didn't mean too :*(...well I might have had a good reason. You be the judge.

Oh and I must tribute this entry to the dear Connie Wilson, who I have no clue as to who she is. Well I do know that she works at Chick-fil-a and she was employee of the month. And the first round of Tequila shots were toasted in her honor. That hard working bitch. She deserved it.

Connie Wilson is my home girl.

Can I getta?

So it's officially Saturday...

WOOT! WOOT!

I don't want to be a stupid girl.

"Blinded by the light. Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night." Okay, so I never used to sing the song like that. I didn't even know that's the way that song went. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I used to sing..."Blinded by the light. Wrapped like a douche, another rumor in the night." Oh that's embarrassing, but so funny when I think about it. How many times have I shouted this in a crowded room or with a friend driving? I really don't want to know, and if I've shouted this...why didn't you correct me? I guess you enjoy me making an ass out of myself. If I were in your shoes, I probably would do the same, and laughing at you in the process. Just like you're doing to me right now.

One of my wisdom teeth is coming in, and really starting to bug me. Well to relieve some of the pain I put some oragel stuff on my gums. That stuff really numbs your mouth, so much so, I can't really move the left side of my mouth, and well I just drooled all over myself. There you go, have another laugh at my expense. I'm just all over mentally challenged today.

(go ahead. point and laugh.)

Oh I must comment on Britney Spears. If she wasn't dumb before, this whole driving with her kid in her lap takes the cake. You scream you want to make sure your kid is safe, but you don't even bother to put him in his car seat? Yeah that's a real smart statement. I'm sorry, but I don't think anybody is going to actually harm your child. Paparazzi people have morals too. Or at least I hope they do. I think someone needs to move back to Loseranna and take that mooch of a husband with you. Better yet, maybe if you disappeared no one would care. That baby stole my birthday anyway...*hisses*. That kid and I have issues, but he doesn't deserve to be put in danger...(anyone wanna bet that he hisses at her when she tries to hold him? I bet he is just like Stewie Griffin...Britney is his Lois.) Okay this sadly is making me giggle. I need to stop, I have myself in stitches.

Okay, so I'm mean, but did I ever really say that I was nice? I guess I just don't have a high tolerance for ignorant and stupid people. It's one thing if some guy is chasing you with a knife, and you don't have time to put the baby in the car seat. But your body guard is right there, hand him the kid, who in return can turn around and put the baby in the car seat. (I've placed a baby in a carseat from the front of the car.) Think Britney! Use what little brain God gave you. Who said you had to drive. A few pictures of you taken or the safety of your child? Take your pick.

Oh I'm not a huge P!nk fan. But I heard her new song Stupid Girls today on the radio as I was putting down the interstate ever so slowly as people were constantly breaking for no apparent reason. And I literally laughed through the whole song. Very amusing, and very appropriate that I mention it in this post.

Stupid Girls lyrics

(Check out my evil evil myspace to see the video....)

Is it Saturday yet?

So have you ever heard something about someone or some place that you wished you had never heard? Me on both accounts. First of all for all my Texas readers, DON"T EAT AT PANDA EXPRESS EVER AGAIN! I found out the true reason they were having to close to "remodel". Roach infestation. Makes me want to puke for the next three years. No more orange chicken for this chick. Makes me sad, cause it was so good. But I just can't stomach myself to eat it anymore.

And I won't even go into the other thing I was told...it's just wrong...

I really hate being sick. I'm not quite over this cold thing. I hate that I was sick, on my little three day vacation. Just when I thought I would enjoy my time off, I have to do something stupid, and get sick. NyQuil is my savior.

Work was a bit interesting tonight. I was extremely bored. Yep, boredom is an understatement. I always like to rate how dumb people can be. Or blame me for outrageous prices. Oh I intentionally jack up prices just for you asshole. I live to piss you off. As much as I want that job, I can't say that I'm out to make your life a living hell. But then again were you paid to piss me off? We're even, now leave me alone.

Oh well just a warning...it's getting to be that time of the month...people are really getting to me...

(Saturday is what is getting me through the rest of the week...)

*Oh and as for David...we all need a little sexy now and then...*

Random Memories.

Boredom does wonders to your mind. I've been sitting here, coughing my head off, as bits and pieces of memories fly into this brain of mine.

For some reason this one particular memory keeps invading my thoughts It had to be the summer of 1991. We were spending the summer in Virginia with my grandmother Virgie and my aunt Sheila. My grandmother had made this pineapple cake thing she always makes and it's delicious. Well she was cutting me a piece, and asked me how big of a piece I wanted. And I kept telling her to cut right on this invisible line I had created. And she was like no that's too big. And me being silly kept repeating..."right on that line" And well needless to say I ended up with half that cake on my plate, and she made me eat the whole thing. I never ate pineapple cake again. My brother still laughs at that story. Cause in a way, it's hilarious except that I got sick afterwards. And it proves just how ornery I could be.

I remember this day so clearly. I had gotten these new brown boots for Christmas, and well for the longest time those were the only shoes I would wear. The following summer we were visiting my grandmother and my aunt and when my grandmother told me she liked my boots, I looked up at her and smiled and kicked her right in the shins. Those boots were lethal weapons, especially when I wore them.

I remember another summer where there was an abnormally large amounts of fireflies. So just about the time the sun would set, those boogers would just start appearing and by the hundreds. We start running all over the place catching those bad boys, and sentencing them to their death in a mason jar. My grandmother had this huge hill behind her house so we'd be running up and down that thing, while my aunt caught all this on camera. We run up, and then down. Well on one of those infamous runs down, I lost my footing, and tumbled the whole way down. I couldn't stop laughing.

Texas summers can get quite unbearable because of the humidity. When I was little and before I was in school, we would spend the mornings in some sort of water. Whether it be a pool, or a sprinkler we try our best to stay cooled down. Who really wants to stay in doors on such a sunny day anyway? Well this one day we had decided that it would be cool to put the pool underneath the slide at my neighbor's and my childhood crush's swing set. That was funny until I got the string of my bikini caught on the slide and I lost the bottom part of my bathing suit. I screamed and ran home half naked across the street. I was horrified. It was one piece bathing suits from then on.

I have this sudden urge to eat a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich and cherry Kool-aid. I think from the age of 2 until I was probably 6 I had a permanent Kool-aid mustache. Good times.

Sick Post.

So yeah karma is totally a bitch and I'm now sick. I should have never climbed on whatever the hell that was, and now I'm paying for it, and so is everyone else, cause I'm quite the baby when I'm sick. My throat hurts, I'm coughing my head off. I sound like a dying llama. I took some NyQuil last night, and woah, within 20 minutes I was feeling it. I was out. That helped for a bit. Then I was up and couldn't talk for like an hour, I stayed on the couch long enough to watch one of the most boring episodes of Days of our Lives I've ever seen. And that's saying a lot.

I went to my grandmother's house. She wasn't there. So I chilled with her two dogs for awhile, and watched an Intimate portrait of Tipper Gore. Okay who names their only child Tipper? Anyway, she's an okay lady if you can get past that scary smile she has going. Then I watched some of the Soap Net Channel. Came home, to have mom pull me out the door to a bar called Sweetwater. Which has 2 dollar margarita's. But I opted for the Long Island Ice Tea. Something about the rum, gin, vodka, tequila, and triple sec mix that just makes me happy.

Sweetwater is just a fun place, but I enjoy the round table that all the lawyers in town sit at. They just think they are the shit. One day, I'll have the balls to steal their table. They sit there talking nonsense...talking about what a hard day they had, and are just loud sometimes. It's funny though most of these people knew my great grandfather when he was a deputy of Denton County, and have helped my family get out of some charges...maybe I should befriend these fuckers. But it's not really worth it. I wouldn't degrade myself.

So anyway, I've taken some NyQuil...I should be out in about 5...

Silly Zanne.

So like I promised, Brokeback Mountain was an excellent film, and if you have an open mind, you should go see it. In fact who cares if your mind doesn't like to think outside of the little shelter you keep it in, go see this movie.

Anyway, on to the funny stuff. After the movie I got the chance to catch up with a couple of friends, and well we decided to get all rebelous. My idea of course, because I am such the instigator. Well with everyone gone from the mall, we snuck over to the construction site where they are building the new theater, and well we couldn't get to where they were actually building the theater, but we were able to wiggle through and get to all the fun machinary. I've never laughed so hard in all my life. Feels good to actually laugh from within and acually mean it. But damn it was cold. With the wind blowing and us running trying to escape before getting caught, my nose was red and I was coughing. I'm sure I'll be sick when I wake up. But oh well...it was so worth it. See what happens when I have all this time off from work. I try and get myself in trouble. I guess I could have been arrested, that would have put a damper on my night. I guess I could have called my Nanny to bail me out, she would have just loved that.

And boo Steelers. Dude they so got lucky. If those 2 touchdowns the Seahawks made would have counted...the Steelers would have lost. Lucky bitchs. The best thing about the Super Bowl...THE ROLLING STONES...enough said.

More Sadness :(

Betty Friedan: "The Mother of Feminism"

February 4, 1921-February 4, 2006

"Men are not the enemy, but the fellow victims. The real enemy is women's denigration of themselves."

Why not Kinky?

Okay, so the SuperBowl is today, secretly I'm pulling for the Seahawks. Anyway, but I'm not really going to watch it. I'm going to do the most anti-Super Bowl thing possible and go watch Brokeback Mountain with some friends. Can I get any more anti-football? Oh well, I made this commitment weeks ago, and well it's not like me to stand anyone up. If I give you my word, I'm there. No questions. So even though I realized afterwards that I had made this movie date on Super Bowl Sunday, I've decided I'll still go. I'm sure it's a good movie. It's had a bunch of nominations, and I like to see all the nominated films anyway. And who doesn't want to see a film about gay cowboys? That's right. 3/4's of Texas.

On my way to work yesterday, I saw this SUV painted with all these pro Rick Perry shit on it. First of all, I despise Rick Perry. If you have any qualms about W. Bush then you would despise him too. He's Bush 2.0 but way more biased when it comes to religion and gays marriages. I can guarantee he's not seeing Brokeback Mountain. Many Texas conservatives are upset with Governor Perry. (Kinky Friedman for Governor!!!) Oh...And the SUV also said...HONK if you LOVE Bush. You can bet nobody was honking. It was all I could do, not to rear end this car. But oh well...just my opinion.

Oh and just so you know...Myspace has officially entered the 7th layer of hell.

(I found that pic on a site that wished Rick Perry would shut his mouth...oh don't we wish?)

Sadness :(

Al Lewis (April 30, 1923-February 3, 2006)

"As long as you gave it your best shot, even if in the opinion of others 'you failed,' you didn't fail."

"I always say, 'You hire Al Lewis, you get the whole Al Lewis.' He's loud, he's opinionated, he smokes terrible cigars, that's it. I can't be and I'm not going to attempt to be what someone thinks I should be. That's the road to hell."

~Al Lewis.

Seriously.Like.WTF?

A friend of a friend of a friend of an uncle gave me these Junior Mints today. But they weren't just any Junior Mints, they were Junior Mints 'Inside Out'. I'm thinking cool, something a bit different. NOPE. They taste exactly the same as the original. Really what's the point? Were they have bad sells last year? Did you have to come up with something clever to try and sell them? Oh we'll turn them inside out and trick them into buying the same exact thing. He He, we'll show them. Stupid Marketing schemes. Would you love me even more if I were inside out? Don't even get me started on the Reese Cups that are inside out...they are so not good. Don't mess with success. I'd like to see them try and fuck up a snicker's bar.

Okay. What is it with mother's not having control of their kids these days? Today I saw two mother's with a combined total of six kids totally let their kids walk all over them. They were running everywhere, screaming, hitting each other, wrestling, more screaming and hollering, and just plain crazy. These women had absolute no control over them what so ever, and didn't seem to really care what they were doing. If you can't control your kids in public, maybe you should try staying at home, where you won't make an ass out of yourself.

Okay so does anyone remember the show Hey Dude or Salute Your Shorts? Or back in the day when Nickelodeon actually had good shows? I can't believe the shit they have on there now. Doug was such a better show than Spongebob. Now Doug Funny and Patti mayonnaise were soulmates. That's what I'm talking about.

(that kid will grow up to be a hell raiser. Wait a second, he already is. If that were my kid...he'd no longer exist.)

Whaaaaaaaaat?

Seriously this kind of surprises me.

Heather Locklear files for divorce? Say what?

Thank you for being a friend.

You are Golden!!! You have the wit of Sophia, the intelligence of Dorothy, the bedroom skills of Blanche, and you know as much about St.Olaf as Rose. Congrats on your Golden Girls smarts and go eat some cheesecake with all the trimmings! Just remember to bring some butter for the door!


How much do yo know about the Golden Girls?
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So I like the Golden Girls...sue me.

Picture it.

You may be young or old or anywhere in between, but you have the mind of a 300 year old monk. You can give advice like nobody's business. You maybe a bit blunt, but it's all in love. Many say the awful candor was a result of a stroke, but we know this is just the nature of wise Sophia!

Which one of the Golden Girls are you?
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You are savvy, sassy and always on the go!
Even if it means borrowing someone else's
car without asking! Sometimes you say
the wrong thing at the wrong time, but
that's why we all love you!

Dirty Little Secrets.

What a day. Absolutely nothing happened, but what a day. I think being bored as totally exhausted me. Oh what am I kidding, I'm just lazy. I felt like lazing around in bed this afternoon, and was pissed when I realized that I had selfishly wasted away such a pretty day. The sun was out, and well I was waiting for the Care Bears to come busting down my door to wake my ass up. Oh well what a missed opportunity.

I think the most disgusting thing, well besides "our" dear sweet president's kind words last night, was hearing the rats claw above me on the ceiling tonight at work. Talk about being just a bit freaked out, and then hearing one of them fall into the gameroom just about did it for me. I was hauling ass trying to get out of there. I can guarantee we aren't dealing with the likes of Mr. Jingles. This thing's name has got to be something like "Flabbergastin Huge Ass Mother Fucking Rat" or maybe it's got a wimpy name like "Milo". This thing sure had me looking around corners. I bet it was really my boss crawling through the ceiling in hopes of finding that whopper he thinks he smells.

Speaking of work. I worked with this new chick tonight, that I've never worked with. And I must say, I like her. She's into my Days of Our Lives thing, and well she hates Kate, what could be any better about this chick? Okay I'm kidding. But she is pretty cool, and that's coming from me. Anyway, we get to talking and she's like I hear you're like obsessed with llamas. What? What else does she know about me? She's like I've heard a few stories about you. So I'm like all famous now? Now I'm curious. I so hope there's a rumor going around that when I really went to LA, I was off banging some soap star. And I'm like pregnant with his llama.

Oh well. A girl could dream can't she?

(disclaimer all this shit actually happened on wednesday. And I so blame the Llama rumor on Lyle.)

Some mornings it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

blah.

(please refer back to title.)