I am woman...hear me bitch.

I've been meaning to write down my latest encounter but I haven't had the words to write this little story some justice. Since my grandfather's tragic death, I've tried to keep myself sane by talking to him occasionally. Instead of wishing that I could tell him something, well I just say it, as if he were there. I find that it helps me with the grieving process. Or maybe I'm just crazy. I know I would go crazy if I thought that I couldn't talk to him in some way. I know he listens. And lets just say, he lets me know he's there sometimes.

Anyway, the other night it was really late. I got up to go tinkle, and something caught my attention from the corner of my eye. For a split second I swear on everything holy that Bob was standing there. I froze and stood there, and well had to pee. It was definitely one of those weird moments where you are like what in the hell is going on.

He was wearing his usual get up. Blue jeans and a blue t-shirt and suspenders. It was like he was there, and then just as quickly as I spotted him he was gone. This is my first encounter with a ghost or spirit as I like to call them. I think that if I had seen anyone else, I would have definitely soiled my cute little panties and crawled in bed with my mother. I'm very thankful for my little visit. Makes me feel special in a way. Now I'm debating on whether I should tell my grandmother about my visit from Bob. I'm not sure how she'll take it.

*

I was reminded why I hate I-35. Cause people just can't drive worth shit. I swear they break just to piss me off.

I just had to get that out.

*

I whore (here I go contradicting myself) myself out on a lot of message boards. And well I see a lot of crap that gets said, and sometimes not said. (Guidelines suck...just so you know. I don't care who the fuck you are.) I think the thing that bugs me the most, is a woman calling another woman a ho/whore/slut. This is such a degrading word that has been used against women for years, and to see another woman use it in a rude and hateful manner just disgusts me. Maybe it's just the feminist in me. But why would women, who are victims of discrimination daily, resort to calling someone a petty and childish name that has been used to degrade us in the past? I guess I'll never understand the way the mind thinks sometimes. Some people just can't be tasteful with their comments. Oh well...not my guidelines. (Wow what tasteful ones at that.)

*

So being off tomorrow is love.

RIP Lucky...and Martha rocks that yellow dress...

Today was supposed to be a good day. I was off from work, I could sleep in, and everything would just be great. Wrong. First of all, I slept wrong I guess and my shoulder hurts, and well my mother breaks the news that my grandmother's dog Lucky passed away this morning. SADNESS. This dog has been around more than half of my life. I was six or seven when my grandmother got Lucky. He could be a real pain in the ass sometimes but deep down he was a real softy. In some ways he reminded me so much like my grandfather Bob. They could both be stubborn as hell, but at the end of the day just as loving as can be. Even though I'm crazy sad, I knew this was coming, I just hated to think about it. Poor Lucky, could barely get around, and well he didn't get the nickname "Old Man" for being hyper. He still has his spunk in the end, and would try is hardest to escape from the kitchen. I'm so thankful that he died peacefully in the little house Bob made for him years ago, so fitting.

Somewhere up in that place we call Heaven, Bob's drinking a big old cup of coffee, and he's reading the newspaper. If Lucky's up to his usual antics he's pulling on Bob's pant leg, bugging him to let him outside. Bob's gonna look down at his ankle's and he's gonna say, "Damnit Lucky." Memories. They're all you got, so you better start remembering.

Okay so there I go putting a downer on your day.

Oh I can totally make up for this. I cooked today. Yes, I decided for some odd reason that I would try this homemaker thing that everyone thinks is so cool, and cook. What I was thinking I have no clue? I can't go wrong with chicken and rice, right? Okay so my mother asked me to cook, because she was running my Nanny around town, but still, I cooked. And it turned out okay. I think everyone was telling me it was good to try and reinforce something. I think they think that if they say what an awesome job that I did, I'll want to cook more. Hah! They've got another thing coming. I can cook good I guess, it's just that I don't like too. I would rather someone cook it for me. Doesn't everyone? I mean it must suck to be a chef. Cooking all this good food for everyone else, and you can't even touch it. Who cooks for Emeril? The poor guy I guess is this amazing chef, and I bet everything he eats sucks, just because he's Emeril and he thinks he's the best there is. I would feel like such an idiot cooking for Emeril.

Or Martha Stewart. It's like me making Martha a scarf, and being proud of it. It just wouldn't happen. And plus that woman just amazes me. How can someone who looks so plain be so creative? I can just sit and watch her show, and be so amazed. She's the only woman that could ever inspire me enough to want to make a cat scarf. It was the cutest thing, and I so wanted to make one, well until I turned off the TV, and the spell was broken, and I was back to my lazy self. She must be pulling an Alex North, and hypnotizing us all into wanting to make her shit. I mean I know everyone wants to make Hors d'Oeuvres with Martha Stewart. Who wouldn't? More like watch her do it. She's one amazing broad I tell ya...who else could pull off that hideous yellow dress? I have one, I just can't work up the courage...

Spunkrat Love.

Today has just been one of those days. I feel like everything is set in slow motion and no matter how fast I try to move I just keep moving slower and slower. Now I'm finally home, and still the same. I totally can't type today either. I'm just totally useless today.

The highlights of my day: someone calling the movie Nanny McPhee, Nancy McPhee and the movie Hoodwinked, Hoodwinkled. When you've been deprived of any outside communication, this is just hilarious. Or I really like the woman who asked me what Brokeback Mountain was about, and the woman behind her was like, "Homosexuals." I about died. Well she saved me from refunding a ticket, but really must she tell everyone this movie is about homosexuals. It's not really what it's totally about. Once again: open mind! Oh well, some people just take up space, and breathe my precious air. They need to find a hobby.

Gosh I'm bored. Someone needs to make my day more exciting before it ends. I'm easy to please, and I like balloons and shiny things. It's just that people just piss me off sometimes. Okay, so they usually make it an everyday occurrence. I must have bitch written all over my body, cause people just love to torture my crazy soul. Or maybe they just get a kick out of seeing me frown and turn up my nose. Cause well it is funny, if you're the one that's not getting pissed off. I'm waiting for some jackass to poke me, and well when that happens I think I'll murder everyone within a five mile radius, and plead insanity. And for my next trick...

So who else has caved and joined myspace? I hang my head in shame. I was forced into it. I did it against my will. Myspace is evil. But it pulls you in, and you just can't stop. I even added a background, but it's what the cool kids are doing, and Spunkrat Zanne's myspace will not be ugly. Yes, I said spunkrat. It's so my new word, so use it. Make people go, What the fuck...Because I live to confuse the hell out of people.

So I live you with this: Penguin in the Bathtub.

You are what you are...

I understand that people have their own beliefs and boundaries...and well guidelines for some. But please, I really don't want to hear them. They are your own opinions, what makes you think I would agree with what you have to say?

I had a woman come up to me today, and ask me if Brokeback Mountain was about gay cowboys. I told her yes thinking this was the end of it. She goes on to tell me how gross this film is, and all they are doing is glamourizing gay people. She's like it's not so much the people that are in this movie, but that they are having sex. Are you kidding me? This is what makes America...America. You have the choice not to see this movie, and if it bugs you that much, simply don't talk about it. Why are we having this conversation? It was pointless, and it makes me hate how people can't think with an open mind. They think that their beliefs are the right way, and if you think otherwise your wrong. Why can't people just be respectful of other's beliefs? Love is love.

Traffic was such a bitch today. I don't know what it was, but there were two major wrecks on my way home today. One was literally an eight car pile up. And it looked nasty. Thank God and Peanut Butter that this was on the axis road at a 3 way stop or I would have so totally been stuck on the interstate with nothing but the lousy radio. People just can't drive. And from the looks of it, some jack ass driver rear-ended someone that started a chain reaction. Oh I'd be pissed if I were a part of that. I'd being hurting some jack ass.

Blah...

Baby Talk.

Getting out of bed this morning was such a pain in the ass. If you had witnessed this, you would probably swear up and down I was pregnant. I sat up, and a pulled myself up and I was suddenly hit with dizziness and nausea. I had to lay back down. I tried again. Same thing. There was a God, and I was finally able to make it to the bathroom and pee. I really didn't feel like lying in a puddle of my own piss. I knew I couldn't possibly be pregnant, because well you have to be having sex to be so. And I don't think I made a trip to the sperm bank and had my self impregnated without my knowledge. But then again, this could be the reason I woke up on a medical examining table and my legs were on stirrups. I knew that man was a doctor. What a lying piece of shit.

Okay so this didn't happen. Unless well someone knocked me out so I could go get knocked up. But I don't live in Salem, so I just don't see this happening. And if a sperm bank place or whoever impregnates you, goes down south and implants you while being knocked out since the moment you walked through the door, I think that deserves a lawsuit. And hah, I'll so make someone else go in for jury duty.

Speaking of being pregnant and talks of children. Is it just me or is everyone and their cousin's brother's sister's mother's aunt's neighbor pregnant? Kids are cute and all, but are we out to populate east Asia and I didn't get the memo? Everytime I get news on people back in Virginia, someone's just had a baby or is pregnant. Or someone's trying. I'm pretty sure there was this thing invented called the condom. And there are some people out there that just shouldn't reproduce. We were graced with your presence, let's not make another. If you want to give anything back to this country please don't give us Junior.

I know of a couple that has nothing. They don't work, and they don't look for a job. It's really quite sad. But oh we're married, lets take that next step and have children. They totally slid over the "Oh lets get a dog" phase. They now have two daughters, and one has down syndrome. Well they got lucky with the first kid, she's disabled so they can live off her disability check. Are you kidding me? If that's not the lowest of the low, I don't know what is. So what ever that sweet innocent baby gets each month, they spend it on God knows what. She needs special care, and I really don't know if she gets the proper care that she needs. It's been awhile since I've heard an update on them, well over a year, I sure hope someone stepped in and took that baby. She does get medicaid, so I'm hoping that they use that to their advantage.

And their philosophy on marriage: "Well we're married, we don't use protection while having sex." What? If everyone did that you'd be popping about a kid every year. You need to be responsible, and realize that "I can't afford another baby", honey put on the rubber. I mean birth control is practically free these days. Get off your lazy ass and go to the health department. And seriously, why make a child grow up in such living conditions, when it could easily have been prevented. I know it's harsh, but I don't think innocent children should have to live under certain conditions because their parents were careless. It's one thing if you honestly love your spouse and you're working your ass off to provide for your family. But it's I think it's totally different, when you're sitting on your ass all day watching Jerry Springer, and well you're in the mood. You have to love yourself before you can provide love that a child needs 24/7.

So the point of this post. I'm not having kids for a LONG LONG time. Do I see them in my future? Maybe. But not until I know I can respectably care for those children, and give them the love and support they need. Because anything else would just be unfair. I totally respect every parent out there that raises their children with the upmost love and devotion that those children deserve and need. I see a momma or a daddy these days just holding onto a baby and see them talking to them and just smiling and that baby grinning right back, and it just makes me smile. That my friends is what it's about. It doesn't matter what pair of shoes you bought last week, or what people think about you at this very moment. You made your child happy. And I respect you for that.

Nanny knows when to hold 'em

Leave it to my grandmother to know absolutely everything there is to possibly know about life. She's brilliant. And I love her. So I was having yet another small problem dealing with the washing machine. And my grandmother no questions asked, knows exactly what the problem is, and how to fix it. All I needed to say was, it just stopped in the rinse cycle. Me I gave up on this hours ago. I just happened to mention to her my teeny tiny dilemma, and she works yet another miracle. "I guarantee you've put too much stuff in their, Suzi. (yes that's what my childhood name is, my family still embarrasses me with it.) "Are you sure?" "Yes, jiggle the stuff around. Take stuff out if you have to." I take out a quilt, and low and behold...she's right...yet again. I lose. Nanny's 1,998,986 to Suzi's 1. I'll give myself a victory. I can't look that bad.

On another note. The reason I broke the washing machine for the past 2 hours, is well...Can you believe it, I've been cleaning my room. And oh did it need it. I even shampooed the carpet. I'm so on a role today, and this lack of sleep for 2 days thing has for some reason made me want to be productive. I wish it had the opposite affect. But oh well. I needed to be productive, and well you can cross that off the months to-do list.

*runs to check on clothes*

I think I'm starting to feel the affects of not sleeping very well last night. I so want a nap, but I am forcing myself to stay awake. I still have some clothes to sort, and a bed to make.

*I just got the funniest text message from Kim...I LOVE YOU.* (If you give me a day in advance, I might be able to dig a grave that big. I'll have to rent one of those back-hoe things, but we'll get this done. Anything for my Lyle.)

I just realized that it's already 3 o'clock, and well I have more shit to do. And my Nanny's going to WinStar...what the hell am I going to do if the washing machine breaks again. She'll kill me if I mess up her gambling groove. They don't call her The Gambler for nothing. You ain't got nothing on her. So she's only going to Oklahoma...tell her that...

Jury Duty 2.0

READ IT................................>

Okay, some could call me a lucky bitch. It's not my fault that court case was cancelled and I was dismissed. But oh was I happy. I walked back in at 1:30 and presented by green card thing, and they were like "Oh we're sorry, that case was cancelled, and you can go home." Your sorry? I could have just kissed this woman. She has made my day. I don't care that I've wasted my whole day anymore, and that I'm fucking tired. This woman in a matter of seconds has gone from number one on my shit list to my hero. That takes talent. I love her, and I didn't even ask her what her name was.

Anyway, when I walked in the courthouse, I see this really hot cop, and I make my way towards his metal detector line. I get ready to shove my cellphone in my pocket, when I hear it. The almighty lisp. You've got to be kidding me. Thank God I caught this before I made an ass out of myself.

I must say, jury duty is really over rated. The judge guy who was no taller than I was, and had the biggest southern accent I've ever heard, was trying to make it out to be the biggest thing since, Deidre Hall. And well I just wasn't buying it. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation, or maybe it was the water. But I just wasn't liking it. Thank God for literature. Bill and Susan Seaforth Hayes, saved my ass the hour and a half I was actually sitting in that crowded room, with people who were probably just as crazy as I was. The lady next to me kept eyeing my book, and me deep in paragraph was getting annoyed by the stares. I knew she wanted to say something, and well I about told her to just spill it, when she was like, "I. wish. I. had. brung. a. book." "What? You can read?" Oh it was horrible. I was waiting for the next question...but luckily I was saved by some fast talking lady. I think she was important, but I really wasn't that impressed with her.

I was so excited, well not really, I decided to catch a movie. Well the hermano and I saw End of the Spear. Which I thought was a pretty good movie. The move around a lot, and the plot is just jumbled here and there. But I do recommend seeing it. The hermano tried to get me to laugh during it, he almost succeeded, but of course he failed. I was able to hold it in, which about killed me, but that's not the point. I do wish that people that sit directly behind you don't blow there nose loudly at the quietest part of the movie. It's disgusting, and well I can't stand to blow my own nose much less listen to the man behind me making one hell of a commotion. Get the boogers out in the bathroom. Or pick your nose for God's sake. I just don't want to hear it. I didn't pay to hear you blow your nose.

Cause I'm crazy.

Fuck Me.

So I go to jury duty today, hoping by some small chance they won't need my tired ass. Oh was I wrong. All I know is that I've been given some felony case, and I have to be back in 4 hours. That's when they'll pick the jury...FUCK ME. I have to wait 4 hours!?! Just tell me to get lost like everyone else does. It's times like these I wish I were as close minded as they come.

Oh well, it's nap time for me. I'll tell you all about my experiences later. That is if I can...lets just hope I can. I'm sure I'll see plenty of dumb ass people today.

America has chosen...you're an idiot...(Not you my sexy Man in Brown)

So I really want to know what's running through these people's heads when they audition for American Idol. Some of these people actually think they're good. And this is why the season premiere episode is so good. I don't care if you're not really an American Idol fan, this is the episode to watch. These people come out in front of Simon "My Hero", Paula, and Randy, and completely make an ass out of themselves. Don't they know they have a chance of getting on TV and that every viewer is just going to make fun of them? Chances are, if you are trying out for American Idol, you suck. So save yourself the embarrassment later. Actually don't take my advice, I need a good laugh every now and then. And yes, I'm probably laughing at you. It's your fault. You chose to go on that stupid show. You were totally just asking for it!

Work was quite interesting today. My boss totally did something he has time and time again told us we should never do, right in front of me. Does he think I'm retarded? He says one thing, and goes and does the exact opposite. Yeah so that's just not cool. I mean it's one thing if he had actually done what he did for a legitimate reason, but from what I can tell this was just for personal gain. A chance for someone to praise him. Okay, whatever, break your own rules. I'm not pissed.

Other than that great day. Oh I finally got my UPS man at work to have an actual conversation with me. It was amazing. He delivered a bunch of those annoying as fuck AOL discs, and he went into this long rant about he hates AOL. He even mentioned the kids that I'm sure he wants me to mother. He never did mention a wife. So I think I'm in luck. You have to understand. It has taken me almost two years to get this man to speak to me at all. Well I've finally done it, hard work and dedication does pay off. It started with a hello, and somehow ended in bed. Oh the joys I'll have when I'm Mrs. Man in Brown.

*That is not my man in brown...that's just some lame man in brown. My man in brown could so kick that lame man in brown's ass.*

The Lucky Charm Bandit Strikes...Again and Again and Again...

So it's safe to say that my neighborhood is no longer safe. Well I correct myself. My neighbor's house is no longer safe. The poor things have been robbed three times in I think two weeks! Okay something fishy is going down and they better not being making it over to my house. Well I guess I wouldn't mind so much, because all this person is taking is food. So what I should really do is make a list of what this asshole should take.

Dear, sir or miss or whatever you may be, could you please take the corn in the back of the pantry, because well we never eat it and two it's been there for quite some time and it could possibly be harmful to your body and well I want you to eat it. And could you please back off the Lucky Charms, I know they're your favorite but I love them to, and if I come to a missing box, well I will hunt you down, and I will have to hurt you. I'm sure you could be up to no good somewhere else so please lay off the Lucky Charms, k? Oh and if you look in the frige, Nanny made some apple pie, I'm sure she would be pissed if you didn't steal some of it. And it's your lucky day there's some ice cream in the freezer. Oh and don't just stop there, make sure to make yourself a glass of milk. And if it's not to much please clean up after yourself? Love, Zanne renter of the house you just robbed.

So I think the cops are going to have a stake out next door. Wouldn't that be the coolest thing ever. I will so be like next door. I've never witnessed a stake out. Is that even what they are called? I'm so confused, but whatever it is, it's kind of cool. I'm going to be living history. I so hope I'm home when they catch the Lucky Charms Bandit...

*Deidre Hall is by no means the Lucky Charms Bandit. I just liked the picture, and well she is holding Lucky Charms. Even if she was, why the hell would she come all the way out here to rob my neighbors? Seems like she would rob her own neighbors. But I think she could afford food.*

Nightmare on Forest Street...

I just realized it was Friday the 13th...and well with the Lucky Charms Bandit on the loose...it's kind of, well, scary....

Those were the days...

I realized today how much I love and miss play-doh. Seriously why in the hell did I stop playing with this stuff? Oh I know why...my mother used to hide the stuff from me. Remember when you were little, it never failed that you got one of those play-doh kit things for your birthday, you would get so excited and then bam you could never find it.

Today I hit the jackpot. Sitting on top of my frige is a box of 4 different colors of play-doh? Where in the hell did that come from? Mom must be hiding one of my Christmas gifts. Anyway, I had to get it down. So I've been playing with it ever since. Fun times. It really doesn't take much to impress me. Last year I got my computer and I played with the box for weeks. Okay so I lied...

That's about all I've really done. Well not really. I really enjoyed my day off. That made my day spectacular. And well, I think I'm going to work on my 40+ page story that I've been working on. I'm actually enjoying writing again. Well I never stopped, it's just that my writing would end up so depressing...but oh well...you write what you feel, and what you feel is what you feel, you can't help that.

Germany is for Big Wiener Lovers.

Have you ever wanted something so bad, that you could taste it? You've set your little heart on it, and then bam, it's not really an option. Well life decided to knock me on the ass today. I got to work and I was fine. Hungry, because I had skipped lunch, but I thought to myself..."I want orange chicken today. That sounds absolutely divine. I'll go to Panda Express for dinner." My day progresses and my tummy is talking, almost to the point of conversation. Time for my break, time for dinner, and time for "Oh my God, Panda Express is closed!" I had my heart set on Chinese food, and now they are remodeling? You've got to be kidding me? I can really care less if the place looks like a tornado has run through and destroyed the place, as long as I get some awesome fried rice and orange chicken, I'll be just fine. But no, they have to go and better themselves and make their restaurant look all pretty. Come February they better have the best Orange Chicken this side of Australia. (waves to Mia.)

Anyway, I always love meeting tourists. They are so fun and really nice, almost too nice. It makes me wonder why Americans are so rude. But anyway, I met this chick today who was from Germany, who was absolutely a riot. I'm making her friend or whoever she was a hotdog. And she in the most exciting way possible in her cute German accent screams, "In Germany we call those WIENERS." (Yes I must emphasize wiener, I wouldn't be telling this story right if I didn't.) "But our WIENERS are much bigger than your American WIENERS. In Germany we have big WIENERS." As she motions with her hand, showing me that their wieners are like a foot long. Damn those are some big wieners. It was all I could do not to bust out laughing, afterall she was doing such a good job keeping a straight face. Why does my mind jump straight into the gutter in times like these? That's right, it never leaves. Gist of the story, go to Germany, they have big WIENERS.

Now this is a wiener!

She's gone insane.

So I've been kind of bored lately. Make that really bored. Nothing new has gone down in the life of this crazy bitch. I did see Fun With Dick and Jane, and even though some critics told me I best not see it, I thought it was hilarious. Now if I had listened to everyone's negativity, I would have missed out on a good laugh, and a good time with my brother. That's one reason I don't listen to people when it comes to movies, especially critics.

Lyle and I got into a conversation about Sex and the City today, and now I miss the show. I think I might ditch Days of our Lives tomorrow, and just watch Sex all day. I haven't done that in a while. But now the question is, what season to pop into the DVD player? Season 3 and 4 are really good, but I love season 6 too. I totally dig the Carrie and Big affair, but had a soft spot for Aiden. And what about Samantha isn't funny? I love Miranda as well, and how an you not love sweet Charlotte? I find that I relate to Miranda more than the others...being cynical rocks! But you can find yourself in each of the women, and I think that's one of the reasons the show was quite popular. Well and Sarah Jessica Parker and Chris Noth are just awesome!

So yeah, I guess you just witnessed how bored I really am. I'm telling you, the highlight of my day was coming home and checking my email. I then went to see my grandmother and ate a tuna sandwich that I made myself, I even toasted the bread...WOW...that's living. Now I'm sitting here, sipping on a Coca~Cola Classic. Yes, I said Classic. How old school is that? And it's mighty tasty. I prefer Dr. Pepper, but occasionally I like the change, and go for the Coca~Cola Classic. I can play the rebel when I want to.

Rebel, you say rebel? Yes, I walked around Walmart barefoot just to prove a point, even though I can't remember for the life of me what that point was. I even had a teacher in high school convinced that I was dating a 54 year old man. I used to skip fourth period, just because I thought I could. I even stole a crate from exit 14 McDonald's in Abingdon, VA. Akerra and I named him crate and dressed him up in a T-shirt, and buckled him up in the back seat of her car, she drove around with him for weeks. Imagine the look on her mother's face when she had to borrow her car. That was the end of crate as we knew him. I was dared into riding a kiddy helicopter ride in the mall my senior year, don't dare me, I never turn one down. I looked like I was humping the damn thing. Akerra and I used to lie about sleeping over at each other's houses and would just drive around town, Bristol to be exact, all night long, sleeping in our cars. I've never been so tired in my life, but having a blast at the same time. Dude our AIM wars were absolutely hilarious, who needed to work on homework anyway? High school brought out the wild beast in me. Hear me roar.

Okay, I think I just scared you all away.

I Worship the Very Dirt She Treats Me Like.

I feel so royally defeated. Like whatever I try to accomplish I just keep getting knocked down. And it doesn't help that I'm surrounded by people that want to just keep pushing me down further and further. This is really not an issue, by the end of the month I should be rid of some of these people. One really in particular, that has really pushed me to the limit.

On another note. Have you ever noticed how people on the internet can be so nasty? And how seriously they take things? I sure as hell hope they don't take life that seriously? But then again, I guess the internet is there life...so I guess they are just all around bitchy and nasty. I've noticed a lot of juvenile bashing going on as of late, and I really think people should learn to build a bridge and get over things, and stop obsessing over people. Obsession can't be good for the soul.

So I haven't been really watching my soap because well it sucks, and the acting is starting to get just plum hilarious. My only comic relief...Lois. The rest is just silly and a waste of my time. It amazes me how people can stomach such shit, over an actress/actor. (Refer to title.) I'll try and watch each day, but find myself not watching it. My drunken aunt was laughing at the show the other day with me on tivo. She points to the TV and says, "That's why they are still on soaps. They all suck." And I have to agree with her to an extent. It does suck, but it would help it they had better writing and were more challenged. But then again, I wonder if the head writer is really good, and they are just butchering his writing? Eh, I seriously doubt it. But it was worth a try.

My mom's ex is trying to weasel his way back into our lives. Which is okay I guess. Because I am a forgiving person, but he's not going to have anything to do with my mom if I have anything to do with it. I guess his mistress/whore didn't work out for him. He's really in for a rude awakening if he does come down here.

But anyway, this entry was really quite pointless, and I urge those who lurk to post. I like comments, good or bad!

Random craziness.

So I have this massive paper cut. And not just any paper cut. This has got to be the biggest paper cut I've ever had. Its location? Right between my middle finger and ring finger on my right hand. And of course I received this massive, okay so it's not really all that bad it just bled like crazy, doing something I shouldn't have been doing in the first place. I guess it was my punishment. But damn. It's fairly large for a paper cut. And of course it's in the most inopportune place ever.

Update on dad. He's off the ventilator, and is breathing on his own. He has some heart damage, but that's a given. He has congested heart failure. Looks like they will be moving him to a normal room either today or tomorrow. My aunt called me this afternoon. Throwing it in my face that we needed to decide on who was going to be his power of attorney. And me being the eldest child that would be me, but she also has to throw it in my face that well you don't live in Virginia anymore you're 1,000 miles away, it really should be me. And the whole time I'm thinking, my dad would so kick your ass right now if he new you were pulling this shit. And if my dad was dying he so wouldn't want her of all people to call the shots. They may live together, but hell they don't say 10 words to each other all day. I've been around them, and they fight constantly. It's actually amusing to watch.

My mother made a comment last night that I never expected to escape her lips. "I'm tempted just to marry your father, just so your aunt can't call all these shots." And I about passed out. I'm thinking are you crazy? I've suggested maybe moving him back to Texas, because maybe just maybe having someone around that actually cares about his well-being might just give in the incentive to get better, and stop drinking all together. But I'm not sure I can handle his presence right now. I know that sounds selfish, but you have to understand, it has been so long since I've had him in my life. I just don't know how I can handle having him around in large doses at a time, and having him being dependent on me. When I was with him for 2 weeks in the summer, it was almost too much to handle. So I'm indifferent on this. What's new. I want him to get better, and I want to try and rebuild the relationship we once had before alcohol tore that apart, but I don't think I can handle such a change. At least not right now.

*my finger hurts.*

So my Texas Longhorns pulled through. We are inVINCEable! So much for us not showing up, eh? I guess they forgot that the underdogs always pull through. Overall from what I've seen from highlights and whatnots it was an overall good game. Eat that Oklahoma and everyone in the media that didn't give Texas a chance.

*my finger still hurts*

So I'm a bit turned off by this story my soap is starting to get into. Make a long story short, they are killing off a small child by having him get hit by a car. And even though I was young at the time, it brings back the memories of when my great-grandfather was hit and killed by an out of control young driver. I remember so clearly how it affected my mother, because they had been so close. And it really just irks me when I watch it. And if that's not bad enough they did the whole suicide thing awhile back, and that's just to close to home right now, that I couldn't watch it. And it has since turned my grandmother into a non-watcher. Why do soaps feel the need to touch on such personal topics? I thought we watched soaps to drift away from the real world for a little while? Not be haunted with bad memories. Oh well.

*I'm cold.*

All of a sudden, it was cold tonight. You should see me now. I have on a sweat shirt, blue Hawaiian pajama pants, and the ugliest fuzzy blue socks you've ever seen. But they keep the feet warm, so that's all that really matters at this point. I wish the weather would make up it's mind. Maybe I should call Chuck Norris. He could round house kick someone. Anyone. Yep, that would make me feel so much better.

*And my finger still hurts.*

Sigh.

I'm not sure how to begin something like this. My entries are usually so cynical and goofy, that I've forgotten how to be serious. So here I go, if I shall fall on my face, will you be there to pick me up?

Ever had a really good day, but there was something in the the back of your head telling you that something was wrong? You've feel like nothing could possibly go wrong, but somewhere in the back of your mind you know that something is, but you ignore it because your in such a happy place, why ruin it? All afternoon, I felt this overwhelming since of happiness but in the pit of my stomach I knew something was wrong. But of course the idiot that I am ignored it. I came home and everything seemed to be fine. But then I get the call.

My aunt calls to tell me that my dad's back in the hospital. Let me just say, he's not in good health at all. He's an alcoholic, recovering, I think. But since he lives in Virginia I don't see him or talk to him enough to know if he's kicked the habit. He says he has, but addicts lie. His severe drinking has left him congested heart failure, and he pretty much stays on oxygen all day. Anyway...my dad was supposed to have a doctor's appointment today, and my aunt realized that he wasn't up and ready for it, so she went to check on him, and found him disconnected from his oxygen tank, swollen, and his whole body was blue...even his finger tips. He was very much disoriented, and said he was tired. He was so out of it, that she had to dress him. I guess he passed out on her, so she called 911.

After all of this, I've learned that my dad has had a heart attack, and is in the cardiac care center. My aunt did say that the more oxygen he does receive that the more oriented he becomes, so I guess that's a good sign.

But what scares me the most is, if Sheila hadn't have remembered his appointment. He would have died. And as distant as my father and I have become, I know that deep down inside of my heart I still love him and remember the man he used to be. Before alcohol took over his life and slowly destroyed such a strong man. I would have lost him, without that last chance of goodbye. He wouldn't have known how much I do still love him, and that I wish he would get better. He just needs to grow up a bit, and realize he isn't the man that he was back in the day, he won't ever be, but that's the good thing about life. We grow with each mistake that we make.

Say What?

As a female, I think it's only natural that you dream of how the man of your dreams will propose to you. If your me, and watched soaps your whole life, when the times comes I know I'm going to be uberly disappointed. No man will ever compare to John Black and his hopeless romantic heart. I don't think my man will ever whisk me around the world to propose and have a romantic weekend planned all around it. But oh well, a girl can dream can't she? Anyway...

With all this said, I never expected it. It was just a normal day, well if you want to get technical, night. But I was updating the good old myspace. And cool, I have a message. Well out of the middle of nowhere, this man Garry from India wants to marry me. WHAT? He wants a contract marriage and says he'll pay for it. Are you kidding me? That's not romantic at all. I mean he could have atleast flown out to see me first. Really over myspace? I bet he wasn't even on one knee when he typed it. If he'd gonna do this, he's gonna have to do this right. Seriously what will tell the kids when they get older...daddy found me on myspace. Fate, I tell you. Just when I thought I couldn't hate myspace anymore, some guy goes and makes an ass out of himself and asks me of all people to marry him. And the sad thing is, someone will say yes. People just don't have morals I tell you, or brains for that matter.

I guess I have one hell of a story to tell next time I start talking about marriage proposals. I'm sure everyone will be awed by my myspace proposal. No carriages or flights out of the country for me. Just messages from some guy named Garry from India who needs a green card. Be still my heart.

2006, baby!

Here's a quickie...HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!