Fudge and Sex.

I feel all giddy today. I feel like bouncing all the walls, maybe it's the pecan pie and Dr. Pepper talking...or maybe it's because Chuck Norris rocks my world. Okay so maybe I lied.

So I've been thinking...why are most people on the internet so angry? Or maybe it's just the people I'm around. I guess Soaps make you go absolutely insane and make you bitter. But seriously, I have no idea who most of these people actually are and I'm hated. Hated. Like are you serious? That's about the funniest shit I've heard all year. These people don't even know my real name, but that's okay...go on with the hate. If it makes you feel better about yourself, I'll play along.

Well I've decided that I'm officially well kinda sorta in the Christmas Spirit. I was flipping through the channels, and low and behold A Christmas Story was on. That has got to be my all time favorite Christmas movie. I must be a retard, but I was excited it was on...

Speaking of television. I really miss the show Sex and the City. I really do. I miss Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte from week to week. All the craziness about New York and sex. I wish that'd make the fucking movie already but some people just have to ruin it for the rest of us. That makes me want to throw in one of my 6 seasons on DVD. That's what's awesome about that show. I can just throw in a DVD and play a random disc and still know what the fuck's going on. And you just doesn't love Chris Noth/Mr. Big. Such a sexy man...Carrie and Big forever...

Fucking Chuck Norris.

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

3. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

5. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

6. Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.

7. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

8. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

9. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

10. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

11. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

12. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

13. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

14. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

15. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

16. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

17. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

18. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

19. At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.

20. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.

21. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

22. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.

23. Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.

24. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

25. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

26. Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them in the face.

27. You remember when you were playing the game Oregon Trail and you came accross the Snake River that was 2 foot deep, you decide to cross it and you lose 3 wagon wheels, one child and your wife was diagnosed with Parvo and they blamed it on Wagon Robbing Indians? Yeah that was Chuck Norris, he fucking robbed you, drowned your child with numchucks and gave your wife herpes. Chuck Norris Owns you.

28. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

29. Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.

30. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Be Clean.

I just love having the house all to myself. I can do whatever and wear or not wear whatever. It's been one of those carefree days that seems to fall right into place. I'm feeling lazy, and need a shower. I love showers. Cleansing off the days nastiness, it's like starting anew. I love how the hot water trails down my body and takes away all the days grime and washes it down the drain, never to be worn again. But as soon as the water stops and I step out of my little 30 minute haven it's back to collecting the dirt. It's just how it works. If I didn't get nasty I wouldn't have my little piece of wet heaven for 30 minutes.

I always hate to hear about people that you went to school with have passed away. I didn't really know this girl, but my heart breaks for her family and the friends who let her drive home drunk. It's really sad, this girl was only 22. She had so much ahead of her. So much more life to live and yet it was cut so short.

And with that said, I beg you not to drink and drive. Be a friend, and take the keys. Don't let alcohol render your train of thought. I'm not sure I could live with myself knowing that I could have saved a friends life. I couldn't live on with that much pain in my heart. And really is that extra beer worth risking your life? Seeing someone so young lose their life and so suddenly makes you think about how you are living your life. I could die at any second, and would people remember me? Would I be missed? Never take life for granted, and tell those special people how much you love them. You may never get the chance again.

My Humps.

I don't know what's gotten into me, but I've had two good days in a row. That never happens. I don't think it's ever happened in my whole 21 years, 2 months, and 2 weeks of existence. I was 5 minutes early to work today, and actually was able to mingle before I had to head off to my station. Like WTF? This is so wrong. Any other day I would have been 5 minutes late. But the smile has faded to a llama smirk, like the one to your right. This picture was taken of me in a past life, I'm sure of it. So I introduce you to Tina. Everyone say Hi, and I'm pretty sure if you pet me, I'll moan.

Even though today was good, I'm still tired. I can never go to bed before midnight like any other normal human being. But then again, I'm so not normal. If you didn't know that by now, step away from the blog. If the Llama didn't give it away, then something must be wrong.

And on another note, I was so humped at work today. And let me tell you a secret, I so liked it. I mean who doesn't like to be humped? I was so feelin the love and the sexy. You are so jealous.

I'm debating on whether I should watch my soap tomorrow. I haven't been and have not missed it. But there are some good scenes coming up with my man, and I feel this need to support him, so I think I will. Drake will so make me want to hump air. It will so be worth it.

I hope you get humped soon...It will so make you smile...

Hotness...

Posting for Ben. My sexy in 1986...and a more recent...be still my heart.

Give Me Some Sexy...

Today has been unusually good day. I woke up late and I just knew that today was going to be horrible. I hauled ass to get ready, and in return was 3 minutes early to work. You say 3 minutes, like it's no big deal. But to me...that's a miracle. I'm late to just about anything. You name it I make my entrance 10 minutes later. You can bet I'll be late for my own funeral. I think everyone would be a bit disappointed if I beat them to my funeral. So I was proud of myself. Maybe that's the reason I had such an upbeat day. But whatever it was...has left me smiling like the dog to your left.

I was surprised...not one customer pissed me off...They tried, but never succeeded. I just kept smiling. And I guess it did help that people were constantly making me laugh. I just love to laugh...so yes I had a good day. I needed this day. To feel happy once again. To know that there are better days ahead. I just have to sit and relax, and most of all wait. Cause eventually someone or something will be there to help me pick up the crazy pieces of my life.

Anyway, I so need to do some shopping for Christmas. I'm behind...as always. I can tell you now...this smile will fade when I set foot in the mall, cause crazy ass shopping fanatics just piss me off. Last year some guy hit me with his shopping cart. And I stopped, faked an injury and made the sorry ass apologize to me. I called him a Grinch. I don't think he liked that too much. But hey, I got a fake apology out of it! I so hope that someone grabbed the last Ipod before he could snag it. If so...mission accomplished!

I'm like it's Christmas you jerks...Why are people so worried about getting shit for their families that they so don't need? People get so worked up about 23 inch TV's and the new XBox 360 (is that even the name)...they forget the meaning of Christmas and family. 30 years from now, I'm not going to care what I got this year. So stop, slow down, and be with your family. That moment might just be your last.

Smile and be merry. And give me some sexy...

Harry Potter and Ho's?

So I finally saw Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. Awesome movie. I don't understand why people insist on standing in MY way as they try and find a decent seat because they are late! It's not my fault your late, atleast you can do is sit your ass down and not stand in everyone's way. Have some courtesy you jackass! A bit disappointed that they left some things out of the movie...but it was good so it made up for the stuff they left out.

I can't believe Christmas is so close, and better yet 2006 is almost here. Like where the fuck has 2005 gone? I just don't see anything really important that 2005 can be remembered by. War and our "wonderful" president's sky high approval rating of what is it now 39%? Oh what a year. I'm sure President Bush is so proud of his 39%! I know Texas is. The cult tips it's glass of Kool-Aid to our leader.

I guess for me 2005 will be the year I met new friends, lost a dear loved one, and did nothing really productive. I'm alive and breathing so I guess I should be thankful for that.

And did I mention I caught a Ho today...her name was Lyle...

Gobble, Gobble.

Sorry...this will be short.

I hope all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Mine was bittersweet. I enjoyed being with my family but my heart was aching to spend it with my late grandfather. His jokes were sorely missed at the dinner table.

But on a brighter note. My grandmother's neighbor and my friend finally had her baby boy. Finally...he was only 12 days late. He's just a bundle of cuteness. I played with their daughter all afternoon, I'm sure they were loving us, Corbin was only born 2 days ago...I'm sure they cherished the rest. But Addy is the cutest 4 year old. Hey if she can help us cut up with my cousin...she's a keeper. Such a hit with la familia.

After stuffing myself silly...I'm exhausted...Addy is so the reminder on why I don't need kids at the moment...

Life in pictures...

I found this pic...Thought it was very appropriate on how I feel these days....

Cause I’m broken when I’m open

So I think I officially lost it at work today. I've never been so embarrassed by my actions. First of all, being cornered and feeling like your being attacked isn't really a great way to start your morning. I know it wasn't meant to come across as so, but I'll be damned if someone is going to accuse me of something and then not have the balls to confront me with it. They didn't know the story and in return caused me to totally loose my sanity.

First of all. It's been the longest two months of my life. I don't really feel like doing anything. Getting out of bed at a decent hour is almost impossible. And with the holidays edging closer, lets face it...I'm sad, depressed, and even though I have people around me I'm lonely. And to come into the one place where I thought I could hide these feelings...(I obviously failed miserably.)...and to be cornered with such bullshit. I lost it. It was bound to happen. I held my head in my hands and cried.

Something was said that totally opened the doors to my demons as of late. I couldn't breathe, I was crying, and the walls were caving in on me and the only thing I could say to my boss was, I have to get out of here. (Thankfully he had called someone else in, and they worked the first 2 hours of my shift...and it was all to obvious that they were going to try and suspend me...) I did the only thing my body would let me do...I ran...Hysterically...I was gasping for air. I bolted past that poor repair man, almost collided down the stairs. Not sure how I managed not to fall and end it all right there.

I made a complete ass of myself. I know I freaked out 2 of managers. I'm sure he thought I had gotten myself fired...I could tell by the look on his face when I returned.

I've never wanted to get out of place faster in my whole life. It was suffocating. I didn't need to be dealing with this right now. I had other things to worry about. Like how my grandmother was going to hold herself together on Thursday.

I got into my car and pealed out of the parking lot...and drove...and drove...and almost wrecked...I was out of control. Somehow I made it to Walmart...not sure how I got there...but I just cried for what seemed like forever. I pulled myself together, went and got lunch, stopped at my little used book store haven, and marched right back into work, where I was told that the writeup was torn up and that my story had been confirmed by an employee that I had been working with.

WTF? Now I was really pissed. I had my breakdown for nothing. This all could have been avoided, if someone would have been a man, and grown some balls and talked to me face to face, instead making a huge drama of it all.

Are people just unaware of feelings and what their actions might do to people? Are you afraid of what people might think? Come to me...grow some balls...don't let other people do your dirty work. It's really shitty of you and people just have less respect for you.

I'm just an emotional train wreck right now, this was bound to happen. My poor boss, I'm sure it was awkward for him...Some chick laying out all her hormones and shit...cause I know I'm still embarrassed that anyone saw me in such a state.

So weak and so broken.

Naked and Covered in Chocolate...WTF?

Thanksgiving is less than a week away! I'm excited but sad. It's such a bittersweet feeling. I'm excited because well it's Thanksgiving and I love having my crazy ass family all together in one room stuffing food in our faces and then watching the Cowboy game. But this year we're down one family member. And I've been reminded all this week why I was so thankful to have my grandfather in my life, and just how much I miss him. But I know he'll be there with us. He always is.

I had a kid point at me and call me Harry Potter today. That was weird. And I should have totally been offended. But then again it didn't help that I was standing under the theatre for Harry Potter. Who knows...it was rude...and I could have killed him if he hadn't been so cute. Atleast he wasn't dressed up like him. Must say that's a first...never been called Harry Potter.

I got home yesterday or maybe it was a couple of days ago...with me who knows. It doesn't really matter... Anyway, there was a package of Reese Bites on my bed!!! OMG! Flashbacks of that dreadful night!

I guess I need to explain. About this time 2 years ago I was living with my grandmother and I had Pepe my laptop...and did all my internet stuff in bed and at night. Well I had a bag of Reese Bites in bed with me and full one at that, and I totally crashed. Well those Reese Bites spilled into the bed with me...and I sleeping practically nude rolled around in them. I woke up early the next morning sticky, and was like WTF? I look at my sheets and my arms and legs and I have this what looks like chocolate all over me...Thoughts are running through my head...horror, shock, biwilderment. Please tell me that I'm not going to turn over and find a strange man or woman in my bed and find out that I had a kinky night that I won't remember. Not fair...I should atleast remember my wild night. WTF have I done and why can't I remember this. Please tell me that I didn't just shit all over myself. Thank God I smell like chocolate and peanut butter!!! What? Why? And then I see it. The empty bag of candy!!! Mocking me. Clean. I'm pissed. I have chocolate and peanut butter all over me. My face. My hair. My arms. My legs. You name it...it was there. It was covered in my sheets. Thank God no one is up...I forgot that Bob got up at the ass crack of dawn. I walk in the kitchen all quite like trying to secretly wash my sheets so I don't have to explain my mess. Caught! Bob, is laughing his ass off at me. First thing out of his mouth..."Please tell me that's not shit!"

So the Reese Bites in my bed...not so good. They were quickly removed, and haven't set foot in the room since.

And I'll leave you with some Frida Kahlo...My Dress Hangs There...

People.

Deidre Hall in her bra...is just fucking hot. I mean wouldn't you just love to look like this when your 58? Just to be able to wear a bra and flaunt yourself at this age is amazing...She's looks stunning!

So I'm thinking Harry Potter should have died in the 4th book. I think J.K. Rowling just keeps writing them, just to torture movie theater employees. She's an evil woman, and at the top of my shit list at the moment.

Why do people feel the need to make themselves look absolutely retarded and dress up as Harry Potter when they watch the movie? I mean it's not like it will make my experience any better if I dress up like Hermione Granger. I'm still going to get shitty seats, sit next to the kid that has no clue what's going on and insists on asking the stupid "Why'd he do that?" question, while the guy next to me munches loudly on popcorn and insists that I take a bite. No way...ain't happening...I'll just rent the movie, it will have deleted scenes and will be better...so hah! And I won't have to listen to anyone munching on popcorn but myself...so there.

Speaking of dumbass people. I had a lady call for the showtimes for Harry Potter...(She is the 1000th caller with this same exact question...what does she win? A long and overly dramatic sigh!) I proceed to tell her the showtimes..."Now what time does the 8 o'clock showing start?" "Ummm 8 o'clock..." I'm starting to hope this woman is going to do us all a favor and not drive. And after all of this...She asks..."Now you have Harry Potter? "Umm No...I was just lying...my bad..."

I just love stupid and HOT people...

Randomness...Don't you love it?

So the other day, I'm sitting at my computer like I always do, not a care in the world. When all of a sudden out of the boring silence, I hear the squealing of tires and this loud ass explosion! Someone wrecked into my backyard, and took out the corner of our fence, the stop sign, AND the road signs...Some stupid mother fucker lost control of his car...But has left me with this wonderful story.

So the jist of the story...Some idiot almost murdered me...and it's kind of funny...

I think it's funny how people just won't let things die. They think they know but have absolute no fucking idea. You apologize to someone for something you didn't do in the first place, because you feel bad but how do they repay you? They fucking start shit up...AGAIN. Never again bitches...never again.

Another thing. Yesterday was my Dad's birthday. Did I call him? No. Did I send him a card? No. Did I want to? No. I felt NO urge to pick up the phone to wish him a Happy Birthday, no urge to pick up a pen and be like "Hope your day was swell..." It just wasn't right. I would have been lying to him if I had. So I guess I'll just spare him my presence. Because he doesn't really feel the need to have me around unless he needs something, or needs to feel loved or wanted at that particular moment. He was in the hospital not too long ago, and not once did I call him. He had to call me. I guess I'm a sick person, but oh well. He wasn't there for me when I needed him the most. Why should I return him the favor? Is that my civic duty as his daughter? I think not. He put himself there anyway. He should have thought about that when he was drinking himself into that drunken stupor.

And with that...I leave you...only to fight the crazy Harry Potter fans at work tomorrow...Someone save me!

Being hated was never this easy...

So I can't sleep...what's new? I figured I'd give this blog a more personal touch. Seeing as I've kind of started out on a sad note, maybe I can brighten things up a bit. And I'm failing miserably...

I've finally turned into an almost internet savy person...I even have a blog!!! My newest obsession is forums...oh those are fun...and drama filled. My friend and I are even hated in the Soap Forum World. How fucking hilarious is that...

I know...take a deep breath...it's just too much to handle! Not sure how I will go on with my life!

Back to the internet savy thing...I actually flew out to LA to meet some internet friends. I thought...I only live once, why not? And the whole time I'm thinking, well if I end up dead, atleast I got to go to Beverly Hills and shop on Rodeo Drive. And I got to see Deidre Hall (and her bra...I might add) and Drake Hogestyn...Touch me...I'm on fucking fire. It was a fun experience and I got to meet some awesome people. And I came back alive an in one piece.

Oh shut up...would you have the balls to do it? I didn't think so.

LA was cool. I could so live there. But do I have the money...NO. I guess I could be a starving artist, but hell I love food, so that won't work. So I guess Cali's gonna have to wait on a wild biatch like me. They don't know what they're missing... Oh and before I forget...I'll never forget sitting in the LAX bar waiting on another chica to fly in from fuckin Canada and seeing my first real anti-Bush commercial...IT WAS SWEET!

So all together...the trip was so fucking worth it. But don't drink the Dr. Pepper...I swear is tastes differently...and that's not good...maybe it was the smog? Who knows...but I worn you...if you are a Pepper freak...don't do it...

Peace Out...I'm headed back to the Soap Forum World...I love being hated!

Whispers in the Wind.

2 monthes. 2 monthes since my world was ripped away from me. 2 monthes since my heart stopped beating. 2 monthes since we found your lifeless body in the back yard, blood oozing from your head once full of creative thoughts. Thoughts that now lie in the dirt, seeping deep into the earth never to be shared or to be heard. Thoughts I wish I could hear spoken from your lips. But your quite now. I know you're there, I can feel you. Are you reaching out, like I reach out to you?

I heard you yesterday. I could hear you moving around in the chair, your chair. Why didn't you say hello? I wanted so badly for you to answer me. To pull me into a hug, but instead I got nothing. To kiss your rough cheeks. To love you again. I say again like I stopped. I will never stop loving you, you stay with me--always.

I'm not sure why you decided to take matters into your own hands. I adored you. Many did. I wish you knew then what I know now. How much you touched me and so many others. That everything you did or said, meant the world to me. You were never a burdon like your note said. I would have loved you no less.

You've left so many broken hearts behind. Hearts that will always yearn for you. Especially hers. You've left her a wreck. She can't think, she can't sleep, she cries at random--something special that reminds her of you. Why would you put her through this. She of all people loved you more than you will ever know. She'll never be the same. You've destroyed her.

But I still love you...I could never stop.