Trying something new...

Okay I saw this on someone's blog the other day while blogspot hopping. So I'm stealing it...muahahaha...This can be fun so please post.

Make up the most random and bizarre way that we met, or some random story about something we did...or both...Be clever...I so need the laugh.

2005 Memoirs of a Broken Heart.

2005




1.What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?

*Well I flew to California all by myself and met some pretty awesome people that I have met on the internet.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

*hell no. I can't even remember what my resolution was.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

*No one that I'm really close to had a baby, but alot of people I know had babies and I mean alot. It must have been somthing they ate. Glad I didn't eat it.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

*yes. My grandfather commited suicide.

5. What countries did you visit?

*I stayed in the Good U.S.A.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?

*A mate. Someone to call my own.

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

*Sept. 9, because that's the day my heart was broken. And Sept. 14. I turned 21.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

*Nothing really that big. Meeting new friends.

9. What was your biggest failure?

*Not staying in touch with my dearest friends. Not going to school.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

*Nope. I was pretty healthy. I did suffer from alergies though.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

*My new computer.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

*Ben. Because he had the courage to tell us a huge personal secret. Go Ben!

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

*My Grandfather. His decision still makes me cry.

14. Where did most of your money go?

*GAS!

Where else?

*Food and clothes.

15. What did you get really, really excited about?

*My trip to LA.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?

*Wake Me Up When September Ends. By Green Day.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? sadder.
b) thinner or fatter? about the same.
c) richer or poorer? poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

*relaxed. And talked to more of my friends in Virginia.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

*slept. Seems like I slept my of my year away.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

*I'll be spending Christmas with my family in Texas. We draws name and do a secret santa thing every year that's fun...I guess...

21. Did you fall in love in 2005?

*With my computer.

22. How many one-night stands?

*Ummm....

23. What was your favourite TV program?

*Days of Our Lives...Duh...

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

*Nope. But there are people that hate me that I've never met. Cool beans.

25. What was the best book you read?

*My Sister's Keeper by Jody Picoult.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

*Joss Stone.

27. What did you want and get?

*My computer. And my cellphone.

28. What did you want and not get?

*A love interest.

29. What was your favourite film of this year?

*Nothing really comes to mind.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

*My mom took me out to get my first legal drink. I had a shitload of alcohol. And was pretty drunk. I had to go to my grandfather's funeral the next day.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

*less death and NO WAR. More hugs and kisses.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?

*I did the whole jeans and T-shirt thing. And of course love the capri pants, especially the camo ones.

33. What kept you sane?

*Knowing that there was always the possibility of tomorrow...maybe.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

*Dude there are so many...Drake Hogestyn is hot...and well so is Deidre Hall...but I'm over that...

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

*The war, the Terri Shiavo mess, gay marriage....

36. Who did you miss?

*Bob, Akerra, Teneka, Holly, and the rest of the B-Town crew.

37. Who was the best new person you met?

*Lorna. She's my internet twin. And we can never stay out of trouble.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:

*Never take like for granted. And always tell you people you love them when you leave. Because it could be your last chance. I'm so thankful for my last goodbyes.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days*

And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day
Well I promise you you'll see the sun again
And you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness
And I promise you you'll see the sun again**

I've always thought that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone and live my life more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me***

Well I'm here to tell you now each and every mother's son
That you better learn it fast you better learn it young
'Cause someday never comes.****

In this world, if you read the papers, darling,
You know everybody's fighting with each other.
You got no one you can count on, dear,
Not even your own brother.
So if someone comes along,
He gonna give you love and affection,*****

*Better Days by the Goo Goo Dolls
**See the Sun by Dido
***Life for Rent by Dido
****Someday Never Comes by Creadance Clearwater Revival
*****Get it While you Can by Janis Joplin

Woot!

*First of all, for whoever reads this crazy thing, I and of course The Hoff hope you had a wonderful holiday season!*
Today has been an overall nice day. Except for a certain rather large man at work, but we won't go there. Seems all the cold weather has slipped away, and it was actually warm today. Warm enough that I could turn off the air in my car, roll down the windows and just jam to whatever random 80's song that popped up on the radio. I love how the wind blows through your hair as your screaming out the lyrics to "Jesse's Girl." Nothing better than getting those looks of complete horror. I know I can't sing. It's a known fact, that people who roll down their windows and sing, can't sing. They just think they can. The difference is, I know I can't sing and do it, well because it's fun. And I like getting those crazy ass looks. But then again, I guess I'll do anything for attention.

Oh I got a new digital camera...so whenever I figure out how to work it...I'll post some crazy ass pics...until then...Later...I'm off to write. You say more? Well, I've been working on a story...I might let you all read it someday, but until then it shall remain private.

Tina!!!

adopt your own virtual pet!

And she returns...

LOL. Yes, I said it. Someone tell Mr. O'Reilly.

I just realized it's Friday, and I've neglected this poor thing all week. With good reason, I guess. They call it Christmas shopping and work. I think I could live with out both. And I really don't think that being a bum on the streets could be that bad. Okay, so maybe the occasional cold as fuck nights would suck. But I've always wondered what sleeping in a dumpster or under pass would be like. I'm going to just say it now...Gross and I'm sure I wouldn't get to take my comfy pillow, so uncomfortable too. I'm such a girl about things, I'm sure I would complain to my other homeless homies and they would let me freeze. So maybe it would be bad.

I feel so bad for the person that gets my Secret Santa gift at work. Oh well, I'm sure I'll get a pack of batteries or some Preperation H. Who knows when I'll get a hemorrhoid ...it might come in handy.

Oh and guess what...this bitch has jury duty. Fuck me. I'm sure I'll be the one they pick. Cause that's just my luck. They'll look over the room, and this shining light will out of nowhere shine on me and then I'll be damned... I'm on the jury.

*Oh and ANN....I LOVE YOU!*

I gotta new phone!

Here she is...

Crazy shopping is for Assholes.

Bill O'Reilly has his thing with people waging war on Christmas, well I'm raging war on Christmas shoppers. They are CRAZY. I actually went shopping in Grapevine today. Big mistake! What was I thinking? All hell had literally broken loose at the Grapevine Mills Mall. People rushing in every direction bumping into people. And of course when someone bumped into me, it was my fucking fault. My bad. Let me move my ass just a bit quicker...I really should have been running a marathon. If I had been, it would have so kicked my ass. The whole time I'm thinking, why are these people in such a hurry? The same shit will still be there 5 seconds from now. And if they don't have it at one store, someone's bound to have it. You just have to be patient and not be such an anal jerk.

On a funny note, I witnessed the funniest thing at some store we were in. This obnoxious nazi shopper, ran up past this poor woman who was looking at nothing in particular, she turned and looked at the woman and rudely was like "Well I saw it first", and the woman without missing a beat goes, "Well, I wasn't even looking at that, and wouldn't buy that piece of crap if you made me." The whole time I'm thinking is this really happening? Is this really Christmas? Aren't we supposed to be happy and civil to everyone? I guess not, so fuck you too.

If W wanted to name a real terrorist...he should do his own Christmas shopping.

Porn Star Name.

Your Porn Star Name Is...

Sweetest Sin

What's Your Porn Star Name?

Um so fitting.

Get off the road Asshole.

Or should I say assholes?!?! Anywho...

Texas drivers are so not getting me in the mood for Christmas. In the 45 minutes that it took me to drive to work, a drive that should have taken me 25 minutes, I almost got hit three times, by careless drivers that weren't paying attention. I'm sure they were more concerned about snagging some last minute gift, than being safe behind the wheel. Oh let's see how many times this little silver car can dodge a wreck. I'm really not in the mood, try back next week.

So I get off at my exit. I'm still pretty pissed about the red F-150 that has decided it wants to be in my lane. (He got the horn and my finger...lucky bastard) Light is about to turn green, out of no where another truck has decided to park his fat ass in the middle of the intersection, he just can't get to the mall quick enough. Let me repeat, an asshole has blocked an intersection where at least 45 cars are laying on their horns, fingers are being thrown, and I think I heard a few Fuck you's...Maybe that was just me, I was pretty loud. Just when I get to the mall parking lot, another truck decides it's going to try and cut in front of me. Like hell this is happening. I say a few choice words and I'm on my way. Then out of the rear view mirror, I spot the asshole. He's trying to race me. Oh I don't think so. So I gas it. The fucker speeds up. I speed up. I'm literally racing a man in the parking lot for no reason. All because he feels the need to be a complete and total jerk. So I get even with the side of his truck, turn and give him the finger and turn into my parking lot. And all this before a 8 hour shift. I get to work all huffy, but all was good. I was even offered a hug. So sweet. So brave of that poor little soul to ask a bitch like me if I needed or wanted a hug. Actually made me smile.

The rest of the night was pretty funny. This old man that Jimmy and I labeled an old washed up 60's spy, decided that he was going to bolt and just run for no reason. Jimmy's take on the whole thing was absolutely hilarious.

All was good until I got into my car and drove the 25 minutes home. We won't go there.

*Above is an actual picture of a Houston Freeway. And you thought I exaggerated about Texas drivers. Hah!*

I pity the fool...that get's me Soap on a Rope.

I really hate people sometimes. With Christmas less than 10 days away, all people can think about is what they are getting for Christmas, and what to buy. It just makes me sick. I got into a conversation with someone who won't be named, and all they could talk about was what they were getting and they were so excited. They precededto ask me what I had asked for. And I was like a new cellphone. And her answer was..."That's it?" Like OMG I didn't ask for tons and tons of pointless shit. And it's true, I've asked for one thing. Because everyone knows that my cellphone blows! I would love to just slam it up against a wall, or run over it with my car. But that's really all I want. And I know I could live without it. But I'm really a cellphone whore. I have to have one at all times. When my broke a few months back, I literally thought the world had ended. It's really a sad and pathetic story.

But anyway. If I were to get soap on a rope come this Christmas, I'd be thrilled. Okay so I lied. But I would still act like I loved it. And then curse you behind your back.

Oh and Bill O'Reilly...HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS!

I just had too...

Wicked Christmas Lights

Watch Video

Oh and I stole this from Ann...

Christmas and Janis. All Right.

I'm gradually getting into the spirit of Christmas. Now this doesn't mean I'm ready to go charging into the mall and try to fight these stupid shoppers for an Ipod, but I'm slowly getting used to this Christmas thing. I guess I can't get by the mad shoppers that will buy just about anything on sale. The stores have to be more brutal than the iced over interstate. An employee at Walmart actually cut himself and had to go to the ER because customers were in such a hurry to get 23 inch TV's. Now that's what I call greedy. Is a 23 inch TV worth putting someone in a blood bath? And the answer for most, is sadly yes. They left the poor man lying there. But all in the spirit of Christmas, right?

Oh I must say, that I'm uberly excited. After giving the room a good cleaning, I found a Janis Joplin CD that I had been looking all over for. My Love, Janis CD is one of my favs. The book is a must read. Just love my Janis. You can never go wrong with some Me and Bobby McGee jamming on the radio and driving down the jam packed interstate. Makes the 1 hour drive home so must more interesting. Such a interesting broad. But I guess it's true. Only the good die young.

Linda Cobb Ain't Got Nothing on Me.

Gaw. I hate cleaning my room. I guess if I would clean up after myself day to day instead of letting shit pile up it wouldn't be such a painful process. A shirt here, how'd my underwear end up there, a pair of pants I've been looking for all week. It's an on going thing. But I've come to terms with my inner slob. And I happen to like her. She's really quite interesting, and I soon learned how much she likes to hold onto things. Little pieces of memories of a trip here, or a party there. Or the occasional, where the fuck did that come from?

I've been lazy. I finally emptied out my suitcase from my trip to LA. That's been well over a month ago. What can I say, I had better things to do? My suitcase is finally not a floor hazard and my box of magazines are safely back in my closet. I'm not sure how many people I've tried to kill with that. And my little computer haven is no longer dusty. All is good...for now. I'm wondering how long it will actually stay clean this time. I can already say, not long.

But the one thing I did learn is that while listening to the Black Eyed Peas I did clean faster. And was dancing quite a bit. I'm sure the Bickners could feel my groove and were very jealous. They only wish they had these moves.

Shake what your momma gave ya.

So I have a secret poster. I'm really excited. *waves* I really hope you decide to reveal yourself. But if you're too shy that's totally okay. I'll understand. Feel free to bug me all you want. Don't let my insanity chase you away.

Have you ever felt like dancing? I mean really moving and shaking what your momma gave you but there's no music to be heard for miles? Ever busted into a tune that you haven't heard in months for no reason? It just pops into your mind and you just have to let the words escape. I'm just hoping I'm not the only crazy one. I guess maybe it's my subconscious telling me to let loose and have fun. Well that's how I'm interpreting it. Or maybe I'm remembering something, but can't quite relive the whole memory--I'm just remembering the song that was being played that at the time you had to clue was even playing.

But of course this has happened to me. And of course I have the most embarrassing timing. And really, should you keep those pent up dance moves to yourself? I think not. I can't remember the exact day, but it's been awhile. I was reminded of my little stunt this morning. I just love how random things and memories just pop into your head that make you giggle, but when you try to explain your fit of giggles to someone, they just don't get it. Then you look like the big loser you really are.

So I was in the need of gas. I stopped at the gas station and it was quite late, who knew that an old couple came out that late at night. I thought they were at home and in bed by 7? Not this couple. If you've ever watched Murphy Brown as religiously as I have, they looked like the Bickners. Well I had been listening to something, I can't even remember. But whatever it must have left one hell of an impression. I just kept dancing the whole time I was pumping gas. And before I knew it, this old couple who I have named the Bickners were staring at me in their nice white Cadillac. (I will admit I was jealous of the caddy.) If they could have seen my tag numbers they would have so called and reported me for my insanity. And lets face it, I would have been committed to some mental institution. Cause let's face it, I'm insane. Needless to say, the Bickners were so jealous of my groove. Green just wasn't their color.

Quiz, anyone?

You Are Comet

A total daredevil, you're the reindeer with an edge! Why You're Naughty: You almost gave Santa a heart attack when you took him sky diving Why You're Nice: You always make sure the sleigh is going warp speed

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

Your Inner Retro Girl Is

1960s Hippie Chick

What Retro Girl Are You?

Midol? Anyone?

So I apologize to anyone that I was hostile to today. If I jumped your case or tried to bitch slap for what you thought was for no reason, I'm really sorry. But then again you probably deserved it. If I almost murdered you...my bad. Forgive me?

I hate PMS. One minute I'm just all bright eyed and bushy tailed and the next I have a knife at your throat. But then again it doesn't help that I'm surrounded by hundreds of the dumbest people on earth. Usually I can deal with the stupid questions and what nots...not at this time of the month. I will admit, I am a complete and utter bitch. I am not a force to be reckoned with. I hate you and will learn to hate me. And of course after that hellacious 7 days...you will love me once again. I might even try to hump you.

Why even make us suffer through such a painful and disgusting process. There are alot of woman out there that don't want to have children, so why suffer through this. It's really pointless in my opinion. For those who do want children, they should be able to turn on something that makes you dispense that stupid little egg. When you do, go have lots of sex...really the more the better and get pregnant. That way you totally miss that whole having your period thing. This would totally save us from taking that stupid pill or wearing that itchy patch too. Why are things so fucking difficult? God is definitely a man. Because a woman would never make up suffer through so much pain and suffering.

But then again...I'm PMSing don't listen to me. I wouldn't trust something that bled for 7 days and didn't die either.

Idiot.

It's December and yes December tends to be a cold month. As of late the weather has been pretty damn brutal. Yesterday it was really icy and today it was just cold. Cold enough that I needed to wear the heavy winter coat, everywhere I went. It's pretty much a given that anyone who was brave enough to step outside, bundled up.

I never really saw it coming. A nice lady and her husband walking my way to get tickets. All smiles...they looked intelligent. I should have been tipped off by their stupid grins. And then she asked it. The stupid question of all stupid questions. "It's just so cold. Did you wear a jacket?" Umm nope. I just totally forgot. I was just so distracted this afternoon that it never occurred to me that it was cold and windy and icy. And I really like to see how long it takes for the blood to stop circulating in my body...last time it took a whole 48 minutes for my skin to turn blue. Next time I'm going to see if making snow angels in the nude will speed up the process.

Are you serious? What would prompt you to ask such a question? It's fucking cold, who wouldn't wear a jacket or cover up with something? Some people just don't need to speak and need to be left at home. But then again...these people give me funny stories to tell.

Just to be a smart ass tomorrow, I think I'll ask people if it's cold while they walk in with their eskimo gear. Good times.

Bill? Linda? Trevor? Dusty? Buddy the Dog?

Tis' the season to be jolly right? Well I either have a stalker or some family who lives on Rodeo Drive in Texas is just being too jolly and feels the need to share the Christmas spirit with my family. It's quite weird really. My mom opens the mail today and yells for me to come into the living room. She hands me a card with a family photo on the front. I'm like who the fuck is that? I open it up and Bill, Linda, Trevor, Dusty, and I'm assuming Buddy's the dog are wishing us a Merry Christmas from their family to ours. And the whole time I'm thinking who the hell are Bill, Linda, Trevor, Dusty, and Buddy the dog. We've never seen these people in our whole entire lives. There is a return address but no last name. So how our we supposed to return a card...I didn't even know there was a Rodeo Drive in Denton. Hah, I learn something new everyday.

Really who are these people? They seem to know us. They even addressed the card to my mother. First and last name. I'm having visions of that movie One Hour Photo with Robin Williams. Well I guess it's better to get their family photo instead of getting a photo of us.

Something weird like this happens every Christmas. It never fails. My family is just destined to be abnormally abnormal. Just about every year I get a gift that no one remembers buying. I'll probably never figure out who the hell Bill, Linda, Trevor, and Dusty are. Which will drive me nuts. But oh well. Some things are left to be a mystery. MUAHAHAHA...Bill, Linda, Trevor, and Dusty are watching me, that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

*Disclaimer* That's not the real Bill, Linda, Trevor and Dusty. They're impostors. Buddy was not available at the time of this photo.

OMG it's a Boob!

So I love this picture. I don't even watch this show. But I've been told I so need too. You know what, I wish my boobs looked like that. Well minus the balloon blow thingie. Just had to share my complete random pic. Wonder how many wrecks thats caused?

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

I was reminded of my weird neighbor that used to leave across the street this afternoon when I saw the FOR RENT sign in the yard. I chuckled and sadly all I could think was, "Thank God he's gone." This man was just out there and just creepy at times. The way our houses sit, our front door is facing the side of their house and their backyard. And we are in full views of one another.

Anyway, I would be sitting on my couch with the blinds open, watching Days of our Lives, and I'd spot him. I'd start to cringe and try to ignore him, but it was almost impossible. He was almost always doing something stupid, like putting a plastic lawn chair in the center of the backyard, drinking a cold beer, while sitting there in all his glory. I was lucky he wore his underwear most of the time. It's his yard, he can do whatever. But must he sit and stare a hole into me? Am I that interesting. Most likely I'm still in my PJ's and I will admit...I look like shit and I'm not in the greatest of moods. Quit staring! What makes matters worse, is he could do this for hours. There has to be something for him to do? How about committing himself into a mental institution for starters. But no, he just had to make me get off my lazy ass and close the blinds. Shivers...Things to be thankful for this year.

Well atleast this guy didn't wake you up at all hours of the night. Try living next to a Mexican family of say 12. I'm not racist but latinos have a reputation of being quite loud. Let's just say I don't miss the honking of car horns at the ass crack of dawn and cookouts at all hours of night, because both of these involve that loud obnoxious music they listen too. So if I had to choose, I guess I'll take staring over the Mexicans. Even though there should be an other box. Atleast when I shut the blinds I don't see "the weird one" anymore. And he moved so at the moment things couldn't be better. I wonder what bozo is going to move in next? Is it too much to ask for a normal neighbor this Christmas? Why can't a couple like Fred and Ethel Mertz live across the street? Because the Mertzes' rock. Who doesn't love them?

Free Tequila Makes the World Go Round.

Another lazy Sunday afternoon. I love that I have really no place to go and I can just sit and be lazy. It seems though that the Sunday ritual usually has been sleeping in way too late and being woke up by my football fanatic mother and brother. Screaming and hollering over men who are wearing the tightest pants, throwing a ball around in whatever possible direction, and then in return tackling each other. Just to make it across to the other side of a 100 yard field. I have better things to do. Like say, Sleep. Sometimes I like watching...when the Cowboys don't choke. Other than that I'll pass...no pun intended...

I got bored earlier and found a disposable camera that I hadn't used from my trip to LA. Boredom, a camera, and me don't exactly mix well. My poor dogs were caught by my wrath. Poor Abby was forced to where her Bill Cosby sweater, and Rusty his flannel jacket. They weren't liking me too much. I might get around to posting pics...I just have to get those developed and that could be forever and a night, I'm not exactly the fastest at getting things done. I'm what they call a procrastinator.

I love Mexican restaurants with free margarita's. The place we always go to eat Mexican food lost its liquor license, so they have been giving them out for free! I just love customer satisfaction. I left with a smile on my face. All was good.

If I Had the Chance, I'd ask the world to Dance.

Okay is it me or can Texans not drive? I mean is it so hard to accelerate while getting onto the interstate? I just don't understand people. People act like they're taking some kind of tour while driving on I-35. I'm imagining this mini van full of people, "now ladies and gentleman to your right there's a congested exit leading to the Legion of Doom, oh I mean Walmart." "Oh please slow down...MY CAMERA JAMMED!" Presses Break to floor. Move over, get out of my way, your pissing me off. I've used my horn twice and my middle finger has stayed in the upright position...and this is only the beginning of my day.

The rest of the day was okay. Some guy thought it was just hilarious to tap the glass while I was getting his tickets. What am I? An elephant at the zoo? Here, let me give you peanuts to throw at me. Or what about the really mature prank call I got? Do people really have no lives? Oh let's call and harass Zanne, make her night more interesting. I will admit, I was bored and his middle eastern accent was really horrible. I mean if your gonna prank call me...Prank Call me. Don't make it so fucking noticeable that I don't laugh. Trick me! Make me laugh, I enjoy a good joke every now and then.

So I get off work and step outside...WTF...It's like 20 degrees. I'm so not prepared for this. When I left my house it was sunny and warm and just right. My weatherman sucks! Where's Chuck Norris when I need him to roundhouse kick Troy Dungan in the face?

If that's not bad enough, I have to get gas. My low fuel light is blinking and mocking me. So once again I have to get out of the warmth of my car to pump gas. But on a better note, I paid $1.92 a gallon. I took a double take. When was the last time you you saw gas that cheap? I'm laughing because that's not really cheap. I remember a time when I had a president that liked to get blow jobs and gas was below a dollar. But anyway, I was so excited that I left the radio on and jammed to "Dancing With Myself ." Hey the dance kept me warm. And Billy Idol rocks.

Good times. Good times.

Golden Arches and Margarita's...

So what's funner then going to McDonald's? Going to McDonald's with your tipsy mother, that's what! Putting her hands in my face while ordering my food, funny. When they ask you what kind of dressing you want with your Chicken Caesar (she called it KayZar) salad, and she responds...Diet Dr. Pepper, fucking hilarious. Dressing mom Dressing. What do they have that's low fat? It's McDonald's...everythings fattening! Talk about spew alert. I'm sure we scared a few of those burger flipping boys.

Since getting my mother home, she's hooked to the TV, watching the Knot's Landing special. She insists that I watch, but in the words of George Sr. "Not gonna do it." Besides I'm tired and work so kicked my ass. And who really wants to stare at Joan Van Ark and wonder how many plastic surgeries she's had. You could have a night time special just on that subject alone. Having scary thoughts...jumping away from this topic.

This is what happens when you Google McDonald's...But it's so true! It's really sad that most children do grow up eating Happy Meals. I mean I know I was bribed into things by getting a Happy Meal in return. Or maybe it was just my mom. Damn...she sure did know how to sucker me into getting my ears pierced. But that's a whole other story.

I HEART my Mailman.

Well I was forced to get out the winter coat today. I hate this time of year. When it gets so fucking cold you hate to step outside for anything. Even getting the mail which I might add is on my front porch, is pure torture. You might say, you live in Texas in can't be that bad...I beg to differ. Texas is flat, we have nothing to block the wind, so the wind chill is absolutely unbearable on some days.

Days like today, I feel so sorry for my cute little mail man. Yes, I live in a neighborhood where the mailman still walks door to door and hand delivers your mail straight to your mailbox beside your door. The guy is so cute...short little old man, with his mailbag and cute mailman hat. I could just eat him up. He's the mailman of my dreams. He should get some kind of raise for what he does, he has to be freezing his little mailman buns off. I think I might leave him some cookies or something for the holiday season. But my luck the man will think I'm hitting on him. I just can't be the wife of a U.S. Mail Carrier right now. So scratch that. Maybe a cute card. LOL...My man in brown that visits me at work might get jealous so...once again scratch that. Once a cat decided to leave the contents of it's stomach all over my front porch. The next day at about 1:00 p.m. (that's when he visits.) I hear him go..."UHHHH. Damn cats!" He almost stepped in it...so funny.

So while your at work complaining about God knows what, think of how my mailman is treaching through 12 inches of snow just so I can get Pizza Hut coupons. That my friends is dedication.

*Disclaimer* My mailman look just like that one in the pic...minus the mustache. And only when it's sunny does he wear the glasses. My mailman could kick your mailman's ass. And that's why I love him so.

Fudge and Sex.

I feel all giddy today. I feel like bouncing all the walls, maybe it's the pecan pie and Dr. Pepper talking...or maybe it's because Chuck Norris rocks my world. Okay so maybe I lied.

So I've been thinking...why are most people on the internet so angry? Or maybe it's just the people I'm around. I guess Soaps make you go absolutely insane and make you bitter. But seriously, I have no idea who most of these people actually are and I'm hated. Hated. Like are you serious? That's about the funniest shit I've heard all year. These people don't even know my real name, but that's okay...go on with the hate. If it makes you feel better about yourself, I'll play along.

Well I've decided that I'm officially well kinda sorta in the Christmas Spirit. I was flipping through the channels, and low and behold A Christmas Story was on. That has got to be my all time favorite Christmas movie. I must be a retard, but I was excited it was on...

Speaking of television. I really miss the show Sex and the City. I really do. I miss Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte from week to week. All the craziness about New York and sex. I wish that'd make the fucking movie already but some people just have to ruin it for the rest of us. That makes me want to throw in one of my 6 seasons on DVD. That's what's awesome about that show. I can just throw in a DVD and play a random disc and still know what the fuck's going on. And you just doesn't love Chris Noth/Mr. Big. Such a sexy man...Carrie and Big forever...

Fucking Chuck Norris.

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

3. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

5. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

6. Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.

7. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

8. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

9. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

10. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

11. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

12. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

13. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

14. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

15. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

16. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

17. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

18. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

19. At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.

20. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.

21. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

22. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.

23. Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.

24. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

25. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

26. Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them in the face.

27. You remember when you were playing the game Oregon Trail and you came accross the Snake River that was 2 foot deep, you decide to cross it and you lose 3 wagon wheels, one child and your wife was diagnosed with Parvo and they blamed it on Wagon Robbing Indians? Yeah that was Chuck Norris, he fucking robbed you, drowned your child with numchucks and gave your wife herpes. Chuck Norris Owns you.

28. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

29. Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.

30. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Be Clean.

I just love having the house all to myself. I can do whatever and wear or not wear whatever. It's been one of those carefree days that seems to fall right into place. I'm feeling lazy, and need a shower. I love showers. Cleansing off the days nastiness, it's like starting anew. I love how the hot water trails down my body and takes away all the days grime and washes it down the drain, never to be worn again. But as soon as the water stops and I step out of my little 30 minute haven it's back to collecting the dirt. It's just how it works. If I didn't get nasty I wouldn't have my little piece of wet heaven for 30 minutes.

I always hate to hear about people that you went to school with have passed away. I didn't really know this girl, but my heart breaks for her family and the friends who let her drive home drunk. It's really sad, this girl was only 22. She had so much ahead of her. So much more life to live and yet it was cut so short.

And with that said, I beg you not to drink and drive. Be a friend, and take the keys. Don't let alcohol render your train of thought. I'm not sure I could live with myself knowing that I could have saved a friends life. I couldn't live on with that much pain in my heart. And really is that extra beer worth risking your life? Seeing someone so young lose their life and so suddenly makes you think about how you are living your life. I could die at any second, and would people remember me? Would I be missed? Never take life for granted, and tell those special people how much you love them. You may never get the chance again.

My Humps.

I don't know what's gotten into me, but I've had two good days in a row. That never happens. I don't think it's ever happened in my whole 21 years, 2 months, and 2 weeks of existence. I was 5 minutes early to work today, and actually was able to mingle before I had to head off to my station. Like WTF? This is so wrong. Any other day I would have been 5 minutes late. But the smile has faded to a llama smirk, like the one to your right. This picture was taken of me in a past life, I'm sure of it. So I introduce you to Tina. Everyone say Hi, and I'm pretty sure if you pet me, I'll moan.

Even though today was good, I'm still tired. I can never go to bed before midnight like any other normal human being. But then again, I'm so not normal. If you didn't know that by now, step away from the blog. If the Llama didn't give it away, then something must be wrong.

And on another note, I was so humped at work today. And let me tell you a secret, I so liked it. I mean who doesn't like to be humped? I was so feelin the love and the sexy. You are so jealous.

I'm debating on whether I should watch my soap tomorrow. I haven't been and have not missed it. But there are some good scenes coming up with my man, and I feel this need to support him, so I think I will. Drake will so make me want to hump air. It will so be worth it.

I hope you get humped soon...It will so make you smile...

Hotness...

Posting for Ben. My sexy in 1986...and a more recent...be still my heart.

Give Me Some Sexy...

Today has been unusually good day. I woke up late and I just knew that today was going to be horrible. I hauled ass to get ready, and in return was 3 minutes early to work. You say 3 minutes, like it's no big deal. But to me...that's a miracle. I'm late to just about anything. You name it I make my entrance 10 minutes later. You can bet I'll be late for my own funeral. I think everyone would be a bit disappointed if I beat them to my funeral. So I was proud of myself. Maybe that's the reason I had such an upbeat day. But whatever it was...has left me smiling like the dog to your left.

I was surprised...not one customer pissed me off...They tried, but never succeeded. I just kept smiling. And I guess it did help that people were constantly making me laugh. I just love to laugh...so yes I had a good day. I needed this day. To feel happy once again. To know that there are better days ahead. I just have to sit and relax, and most of all wait. Cause eventually someone or something will be there to help me pick up the crazy pieces of my life.

Anyway, I so need to do some shopping for Christmas. I'm behind...as always. I can tell you now...this smile will fade when I set foot in the mall, cause crazy ass shopping fanatics just piss me off. Last year some guy hit me with his shopping cart. And I stopped, faked an injury and made the sorry ass apologize to me. I called him a Grinch. I don't think he liked that too much. But hey, I got a fake apology out of it! I so hope that someone grabbed the last Ipod before he could snag it. If so...mission accomplished!

I'm like it's Christmas you jerks...Why are people so worried about getting shit for their families that they so don't need? People get so worked up about 23 inch TV's and the new XBox 360 (is that even the name)...they forget the meaning of Christmas and family. 30 years from now, I'm not going to care what I got this year. So stop, slow down, and be with your family. That moment might just be your last.

Smile and be merry. And give me some sexy...

Harry Potter and Ho's?

So I finally saw Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. Awesome movie. I don't understand why people insist on standing in MY way as they try and find a decent seat because they are late! It's not my fault your late, atleast you can do is sit your ass down and not stand in everyone's way. Have some courtesy you jackass! A bit disappointed that they left some things out of the movie...but it was good so it made up for the stuff they left out.

I can't believe Christmas is so close, and better yet 2006 is almost here. Like where the fuck has 2005 gone? I just don't see anything really important that 2005 can be remembered by. War and our "wonderful" president's sky high approval rating of what is it now 39%? Oh what a year. I'm sure President Bush is so proud of his 39%! I know Texas is. The cult tips it's glass of Kool-Aid to our leader.

I guess for me 2005 will be the year I met new friends, lost a dear loved one, and did nothing really productive. I'm alive and breathing so I guess I should be thankful for that.

And did I mention I caught a Ho today...her name was Lyle...

Gobble, Gobble.

Sorry...this will be short.

I hope all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Mine was bittersweet. I enjoyed being with my family but my heart was aching to spend it with my late grandfather. His jokes were sorely missed at the dinner table.

But on a brighter note. My grandmother's neighbor and my friend finally had her baby boy. Finally...he was only 12 days late. He's just a bundle of cuteness. I played with their daughter all afternoon, I'm sure they were loving us, Corbin was only born 2 days ago...I'm sure they cherished the rest. But Addy is the cutest 4 year old. Hey if she can help us cut up with my cousin...she's a keeper. Such a hit with la familia.

After stuffing myself silly...I'm exhausted...Addy is so the reminder on why I don't need kids at the moment...

Life in pictures...

I found this pic...Thought it was very appropriate on how I feel these days....

Cause I’m broken when I’m open

So I think I officially lost it at work today. I've never been so embarrassed by my actions. First of all, being cornered and feeling like your being attacked isn't really a great way to start your morning. I know it wasn't meant to come across as so, but I'll be damned if someone is going to accuse me of something and then not have the balls to confront me with it. They didn't know the story and in return caused me to totally loose my sanity.

First of all. It's been the longest two months of my life. I don't really feel like doing anything. Getting out of bed at a decent hour is almost impossible. And with the holidays edging closer, lets face it...I'm sad, depressed, and even though I have people around me I'm lonely. And to come into the one place where I thought I could hide these feelings...(I obviously failed miserably.)...and to be cornered with such bullshit. I lost it. It was bound to happen. I held my head in my hands and cried.

Something was said that totally opened the doors to my demons as of late. I couldn't breathe, I was crying, and the walls were caving in on me and the only thing I could say to my boss was, I have to get out of here. (Thankfully he had called someone else in, and they worked the first 2 hours of my shift...and it was all to obvious that they were going to try and suspend me...) I did the only thing my body would let me do...I ran...Hysterically...I was gasping for air. I bolted past that poor repair man, almost collided down the stairs. Not sure how I managed not to fall and end it all right there.

I made a complete ass of myself. I know I freaked out 2 of managers. I'm sure he thought I had gotten myself fired...I could tell by the look on his face when I returned.

I've never wanted to get out of place faster in my whole life. It was suffocating. I didn't need to be dealing with this right now. I had other things to worry about. Like how my grandmother was going to hold herself together on Thursday.

I got into my car and pealed out of the parking lot...and drove...and drove...and almost wrecked...I was out of control. Somehow I made it to Walmart...not sure how I got there...but I just cried for what seemed like forever. I pulled myself together, went and got lunch, stopped at my little used book store haven, and marched right back into work, where I was told that the writeup was torn up and that my story had been confirmed by an employee that I had been working with.

WTF? Now I was really pissed. I had my breakdown for nothing. This all could have been avoided, if someone would have been a man, and grown some balls and talked to me face to face, instead making a huge drama of it all.

Are people just unaware of feelings and what their actions might do to people? Are you afraid of what people might think? Come to me...grow some balls...don't let other people do your dirty work. It's really shitty of you and people just have less respect for you.

I'm just an emotional train wreck right now, this was bound to happen. My poor boss, I'm sure it was awkward for him...Some chick laying out all her hormones and shit...cause I know I'm still embarrassed that anyone saw me in such a state.

So weak and so broken.

Naked and Covered in Chocolate...WTF?

Thanksgiving is less than a week away! I'm excited but sad. It's such a bittersweet feeling. I'm excited because well it's Thanksgiving and I love having my crazy ass family all together in one room stuffing food in our faces and then watching the Cowboy game. But this year we're down one family member. And I've been reminded all this week why I was so thankful to have my grandfather in my life, and just how much I miss him. But I know he'll be there with us. He always is.

I had a kid point at me and call me Harry Potter today. That was weird. And I should have totally been offended. But then again it didn't help that I was standing under the theatre for Harry Potter. Who knows...it was rude...and I could have killed him if he hadn't been so cute. Atleast he wasn't dressed up like him. Must say that's a first...never been called Harry Potter.

I got home yesterday or maybe it was a couple of days ago...with me who knows. It doesn't really matter... Anyway, there was a package of Reese Bites on my bed!!! OMG! Flashbacks of that dreadful night!

I guess I need to explain. About this time 2 years ago I was living with my grandmother and I had Pepe my laptop...and did all my internet stuff in bed and at night. Well I had a bag of Reese Bites in bed with me and full one at that, and I totally crashed. Well those Reese Bites spilled into the bed with me...and I sleeping practically nude rolled around in them. I woke up early the next morning sticky, and was like WTF? I look at my sheets and my arms and legs and I have this what looks like chocolate all over me...Thoughts are running through my head...horror, shock, biwilderment. Please tell me that I'm not going to turn over and find a strange man or woman in my bed and find out that I had a kinky night that I won't remember. Not fair...I should atleast remember my wild night. WTF have I done and why can't I remember this. Please tell me that I didn't just shit all over myself. Thank God I smell like chocolate and peanut butter!!! What? Why? And then I see it. The empty bag of candy!!! Mocking me. Clean. I'm pissed. I have chocolate and peanut butter all over me. My face. My hair. My arms. My legs. You name it...it was there. It was covered in my sheets. Thank God no one is up...I forgot that Bob got up at the ass crack of dawn. I walk in the kitchen all quite like trying to secretly wash my sheets so I don't have to explain my mess. Caught! Bob, is laughing his ass off at me. First thing out of his mouth..."Please tell me that's not shit!"

So the Reese Bites in my bed...not so good. They were quickly removed, and haven't set foot in the room since.

And I'll leave you with some Frida Kahlo...My Dress Hangs There...

People.

Deidre Hall in her bra...is just fucking hot. I mean wouldn't you just love to look like this when your 58? Just to be able to wear a bra and flaunt yourself at this age is amazing...She's looks stunning!

So I'm thinking Harry Potter should have died in the 4th book. I think J.K. Rowling just keeps writing them, just to torture movie theater employees. She's an evil woman, and at the top of my shit list at the moment.

Why do people feel the need to make themselves look absolutely retarded and dress up as Harry Potter when they watch the movie? I mean it's not like it will make my experience any better if I dress up like Hermione Granger. I'm still going to get shitty seats, sit next to the kid that has no clue what's going on and insists on asking the stupid "Why'd he do that?" question, while the guy next to me munches loudly on popcorn and insists that I take a bite. No way...ain't happening...I'll just rent the movie, it will have deleted scenes and will be better...so hah! And I won't have to listen to anyone munching on popcorn but myself...so there.

Speaking of dumbass people. I had a lady call for the showtimes for Harry Potter...(She is the 1000th caller with this same exact question...what does she win? A long and overly dramatic sigh!) I proceed to tell her the showtimes..."Now what time does the 8 o'clock showing start?" "Ummm 8 o'clock..." I'm starting to hope this woman is going to do us all a favor and not drive. And after all of this...She asks..."Now you have Harry Potter? "Umm No...I was just lying...my bad..."

I just love stupid and HOT people...

Randomness...Don't you love it?

So the other day, I'm sitting at my computer like I always do, not a care in the world. When all of a sudden out of the boring silence, I hear the squealing of tires and this loud ass explosion! Someone wrecked into my backyard, and took out the corner of our fence, the stop sign, AND the road signs...Some stupid mother fucker lost control of his car...But has left me with this wonderful story.

So the jist of the story...Some idiot almost murdered me...and it's kind of funny...

I think it's funny how people just won't let things die. They think they know but have absolute no fucking idea. You apologize to someone for something you didn't do in the first place, because you feel bad but how do they repay you? They fucking start shit up...AGAIN. Never again bitches...never again.

Another thing. Yesterday was my Dad's birthday. Did I call him? No. Did I send him a card? No. Did I want to? No. I felt NO urge to pick up the phone to wish him a Happy Birthday, no urge to pick up a pen and be like "Hope your day was swell..." It just wasn't right. I would have been lying to him if I had. So I guess I'll just spare him my presence. Because he doesn't really feel the need to have me around unless he needs something, or needs to feel loved or wanted at that particular moment. He was in the hospital not too long ago, and not once did I call him. He had to call me. I guess I'm a sick person, but oh well. He wasn't there for me when I needed him the most. Why should I return him the favor? Is that my civic duty as his daughter? I think not. He put himself there anyway. He should have thought about that when he was drinking himself into that drunken stupor.

And with that...I leave you...only to fight the crazy Harry Potter fans at work tomorrow...Someone save me!

Being hated was never this easy...

So I can't sleep...what's new? I figured I'd give this blog a more personal touch. Seeing as I've kind of started out on a sad note, maybe I can brighten things up a bit. And I'm failing miserably...

I've finally turned into an almost internet savy person...I even have a blog!!! My newest obsession is forums...oh those are fun...and drama filled. My friend and I are even hated in the Soap Forum World. How fucking hilarious is that...

I know...take a deep breath...it's just too much to handle! Not sure how I will go on with my life!

Back to the internet savy thing...I actually flew out to LA to meet some internet friends. I thought...I only live once, why not? And the whole time I'm thinking, well if I end up dead, atleast I got to go to Beverly Hills and shop on Rodeo Drive. And I got to see Deidre Hall (and her bra...I might add) and Drake Hogestyn...Touch me...I'm on fucking fire. It was a fun experience and I got to meet some awesome people. And I came back alive an in one piece.

Oh shut up...would you have the balls to do it? I didn't think so.

LA was cool. I could so live there. But do I have the money...NO. I guess I could be a starving artist, but hell I love food, so that won't work. So I guess Cali's gonna have to wait on a wild biatch like me. They don't know what they're missing... Oh and before I forget...I'll never forget sitting in the LAX bar waiting on another chica to fly in from fuckin Canada and seeing my first real anti-Bush commercial...IT WAS SWEET!

So all together...the trip was so fucking worth it. But don't drink the Dr. Pepper...I swear is tastes differently...and that's not good...maybe it was the smog? Who knows...but I worn you...if you are a Pepper freak...don't do it...

Peace Out...I'm headed back to the Soap Forum World...I love being hated!

Whispers in the Wind.

2 monthes. 2 monthes since my world was ripped away from me. 2 monthes since my heart stopped beating. 2 monthes since we found your lifeless body in the back yard, blood oozing from your head once full of creative thoughts. Thoughts that now lie in the dirt, seeping deep into the earth never to be shared or to be heard. Thoughts I wish I could hear spoken from your lips. But your quite now. I know you're there, I can feel you. Are you reaching out, like I reach out to you?

I heard you yesterday. I could hear you moving around in the chair, your chair. Why didn't you say hello? I wanted so badly for you to answer me. To pull me into a hug, but instead I got nothing. To kiss your rough cheeks. To love you again. I say again like I stopped. I will never stop loving you, you stay with me--always.

I'm not sure why you decided to take matters into your own hands. I adored you. Many did. I wish you knew then what I know now. How much you touched me and so many others. That everything you did or said, meant the world to me. You were never a burdon like your note said. I would have loved you no less.

You've left so many broken hearts behind. Hearts that will always yearn for you. Especially hers. You've left her a wreck. She can't think, she can't sleep, she cries at random--something special that reminds her of you. Why would you put her through this. She of all people loved you more than you will ever know. She'll never be the same. You've destroyed her.

But I still love you...I could never stop.